"Oh, when I flung my heart away, the year was at its fall. I saw my dear, the other day, beside a flowering wall; and this was all I had to say: 'I thought that he was tall!'" - Dorothy Parker
Exactly one year ago TO THE MINUTE THAT I AM POSTING THIS, I was standing in the Astoria in London, pressed against a barrier and screaming my lungs out to Frank Black and The Catholics while making love eyes at the pretty bass player.
Oh, WHY CAN'T WE GO BACK AND RELIVE THINGS AGAIN?
1. What was the last dream that you had about?
This morning I had a dream about a guy from Without A Trace last night (coincidentally the same guy who played Steve on Sex and the City, but in my dream he was his freaky/alien obsessed character from WIT). We were on a small school bus with a lot of kids who were mentally impaired (a handicapped bus? I don't know) and we ended up at the house of my best friend, Leah, from when I was five. Then I was in their kitchen and her mom was showing me family photos. When I woke up, my hand was asleep, which was odd.
2. Does it hold any significant meaning to you?
Not really. Leah just had a baby and my mom and I were talking about her last night and then I watched the TV show. I think everything just got scrambled up in my overwhelmed brain and came out all smooshed together. My brain is a blender!
3. Do you dream in color or black and white?
Color. Always. I have extremely vivid dreams, but I also have lucid dreams 90% of the time, and I can (and do) wake myself up (usually by thinking in the dream, "OPEN YOUR EYES!").
4. What is the most frightening dream you ever had?
I have dreams where I am SCREAMING at my parents (usually my dad) and telling him I hate him. They are really upsetting and scary, especially b/c I am so close to my parents. I think it comes from me trying to break away from that in my subconscious or something. Who knows what Freud would say. But I don't care because he was bat-crackers.
5. Is there one dream that stays clear in your mind despite the fact it was more than a few years ago?
I clearly remember a recurring dream I had when I was about four where I was running through a corn field and there was a witch in a tepee. It was very Children of the Corn, mixed with a little Wizard of Oz and clearly also some Thanksgiving themes (corn, tepees).
It's official, I am a freak in my dreams! (and sometimes, let's face it, in life too)
I am in the process of a Blog Redo. I am learning more about what I like for the links and the sidebar and the colors. Hit REFRESH if nothing looks different from before.
Suggest a color for the sidebar (where them there links are!) b/c I have been playing with Colormatch for an hour and I am starting to get dizzy.
Work? What's that?
Help, I can't stop reading Melanie Griffiths website.
A sample quote from Melanie (from the section For The Record, where she apparently answers all sorts of tabloid reports. Doesn't she have to WORK at all? Or does she just stay home all day drinking wine, popping pills, and reading her own press? Wait, don't answer that.)
"Antonio has beautiful, thick, and natural hair. I should know, I run my fingers through it all the time. [Wait, the hair on his head or his chest hair? Ew.] And for the record, I would never, suggest that he get hair transplants. "
FOR THE RECORD! Hee.
My favorite part of the site is when suddenly her own voice comes on and says things like "the truth, straight from me to you" or "welcome to the magic door".
It's so weird! She's crazy! She's chalk full of nuts! I think she keeps them in her GIGANTIC LIPS.
How can it only be Wednesday? This week has been going on SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME and I am tired, tired, TIRED.
Mug had our Girls Night last night, which was fun. My favorite part was watching the rerun of CSI in which a teenager was eaten (yes, eaten) by her friends on PCP. Yum! "What's for dinner?" "Cathy!" "Great, she always looks SO DELICIOUS!" Heh.
Then I ran home and turned on NYPD Blue, in it's very last season. Can we have a Moment of Silence please for how much I love Dennis Franz? LOVE! I don't know what it is about him, his character is kind of an ass, but he always just makes me want to cry and laugh, his delivery is always so perfect (delivery? What am I, an acting student? Well, anyway) and if I saw him on the street I would JUST HAVE TO hug him. "I'm so sorry your wife/partner/other partner and son all died!"
Anyway, now Andy Sipowitz (the character he plays and which my spellcheck wants to change to Sprouts - hee) has a stalker and it BETTER NOT TURN OUT BADLY for him or THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY! No one messes with Sprouts!
Now I am getting all violent and stuff. LOOK OUT!
Also? The kid who plays his son?
So. Very. Cute.
Mereubu sent me this today. So random! So funny! I love the part about Elvis sitting up and starting to sing because... what? Did he think he was in a movie or something? It's so bizarre!
In Global Crackerhead news, my boss apparently told my co-worker he (GC that is) is "like the absent minded professor" and also "incompetent". See, the good people always win. At least in my world.
On that note, debate #3 tonight. I hope GW fucks it up again. I don't understand the people who are saying he did BETTER in the last debate. Did they not see it? "Internets"?? Also, the LEAPING OFF THE CHAIR and the EXCESSIVE WHINING. Oh, yes, you are President, it is SO HARD. Please, shut up and go away. I will not miss you. I guess if we are grading on a curve, then he did slightly better than the first debate in which he moaned about the hardness and seeing the war on his TV. I swear to God, he is a MORON. I want to think you would have to be REMOTELY SMART to be President, but that just doesn't seem to be true.
I miss Bill. Say what you will, but he is a smarty. About the OFFICE THINGS. Not smart where his penis was (is?) concerned, I know. Bitch all you like, but at least he was FUN. All GW is is dumb.
And, I think, having minor strokes all the time, because WHAT IS WITH THE BLINKING??
Enjoy the show! XXX.
I have this feeling in my stomach like I might be sick and I kind of want to punch someone. That feeling is hate, and I am tired of it.
I cannot believe this - "The greatest danger we face is weapons of mass destruction in the hands of a terrorist enemy. Knowing what I know today I would've made the same decision," Bush said.
How can he say that? Knowing what he now knows he would make the same decision.
WHAT AN ASSHOLE!
I already did the sites I visit every day but I should also list all the lovely blogs I check out every day. Blogs are sites too!
Already mentioned Dooce. I was telling my dad about her on Sunday. He was in stiches over the fact that she said she would have to stop regularly snorting coke lines off her baby's belly. Hee. Violent humor is the best kind.
Fresh Hell. Kim is one of my favorite Television Without Pity writers. She is awesome!
Pamie. I heart Pamie. She's the mom of Cal. Hi! HI! Cal for President!
AB Chao is making people laugh right now. You could be one of them.
I mentioned Miss Doxie before too. But I will mention her again - OH YES I WILL!
Miss Allison is a smart lady. She's pretty funny too.
Sars and Tomato Nation were one of the first sites I read regularly back in the Digitas days. Oh, those were some good times. She is still very funny. And smart. Also, do you know where Don is?
The other Sarah is pretty cool and she is The Birthday Hulk. Look out, she might kick your ass.
Delaine and Fred are moving to San Francisco in a few weeks and last night I was falling asleep and thinking about how very different my life would be if I had never been friends with her.
When I moved back to Boston from California in 1998 Delaine lived upstairs from me. The first day I lived there, we had a "family" yard sale and I came outside and Delaine and I sat on the stairs chatting.
I remember going to so many Babaloo shows that first year I was back. Delaine was one person who was always up for going with me. For dancing in the front row, for pushing me up to the stage. She was the reason I knew Babaloo at all, and somehow it all snowballed into a whole different life for me.
If not for Delaine, I wouldn't know no less than 8 very important folks in my life today. Three of whom are boys who had a huge impact on my heart, and my emotional self. For good and bad. I lusted after one for over a year; one was a mess but I liked him okay, and the third just won't go away. I have a whole Girlie Alliance b/c of Delaine. I wouldn't know Heather, Sarah, Jennifer, or Wendi without her. I wouldn't have been at Jennifer's wedding or a hundred other things tiny and not so tiny.
Without Delaine, I wouldn't live in the apartment I live in now. I remember when she called me up and and alerted me to it. I wasn't even thinking about moving. But somehow, I just... did.
I know everyone you meet changes your life or your direction in some way. I can see that in abstract ways with all the people I love. Somethings are more tangible. Some are vague. With Delaine, it is crystal clear. I feel blessed for knowing her. All the things she has done for me are great and generous. Some are small. Some are bigger than I can say. She's been my good friend. She's done a lot for me. Things I bet she doesn't even know. We've gone through breakups and moves and birthday parties and baby showers. Real life stuff. Things I won't ever forget.
Without her I would not be who I am.
I'm so happy for the journey she is about to take. That she gets to have a new adventure and a new different life. But I will miss all the little things that we do together. I am going to miss knowing she's around the corner. I'll miss our coffee mornings and our nights meeting up at the Behan. I won't lose touch with her, but I'll miss knowing she's in JP. In a way, she IS JP to me, and I will miss that too.
There are so many things I could list, but mostly I am just going to miss her.
I did a lot of work this morning (SHOCKING!) and now I am just kind of staring at the computer screen, drooling, wishing for more coffee and zoning out. Okay, I'm not REALLY drooling but you know. Zzzz. Is hard to be motivated especially around 3:00 on a Monday. Why is the day just not OVER yet?
Anywaaaaay.
I finally saw Fahrenheit 9/11 on Saturday (thank you, Mug!) and..., well, I can't really decide how I feel about it. It seems strange and empty to say I "liked" it. I mean, its not really a HAPPY movie, can you LIKE something like that? "Well, our president is a fucking doof, but I LOVED THAT MOVIE!" I don't know. I think it really made me kind of sad. I feel very depressed about the possibility that GW can (and probably WILL - sigh) win again. Although I am hesitant to say win AGAIN because I don't believe he even won in the first place.
And it made me miss Al Gore. Oh, Al. I kind of love you.
When I was 15 or 16 (thinks back and does some math....SIXTEEN!) and Clinton and Gore were campaining the first time around, my mom and I went to see Al speak at a gymnasium in Burlington, Vermont. It was relatively small and during a pause in his speech (possibly a lull, you know how Al can be) I yelled out "TALK ABOUT CHOICE!" He responded by saying something positive about how he and Bill would defend a woman's right to choose and the crowd started stomping their feet and yelling and screaming. He said something like "well, I guess you feel pretty strongly about that!" I remember feeling like they would win. I remember feeling HOPEFUL and EXCITED about what was going to happen to us. To America. To the world.
Now, I just feel dread.
I will be voting on November 2nd, I just got my confirmation for registering in the mail and the location where I will vote. I know it's something I can do, but I can't help feeling like Kerry is going to win Massachusetts no matter what, and I wish I could run away to Texas or Florida and vote there for once. That is where I could really possibly count.
I watched Fahrenheit 9/11 and watched clips of the news from November 2nd, 2000 declaring Al Gore the winner. And my heart just breaks.
I wonder what the world would be like, in that parallel world.
I wonder what will happen next.
I wonder what the future will look like on November 3rd.
I wonder.
Member when Britney Spears was kind of cute?
She could never really sing very well (aside from that one performance on Star Search where she belted it out in her big dress/big hair/big 11 year old screechy way) but she used to be kind of fashionable and interesting.
I think.
I remember one time she didn't overaccessorize - that period when she didn't add every trashy weird thing to her outfit that she possibly could. That time when she wasn't seen in a weird trucker cap with some saying on it like the one she recently bought at a gas station which said (her mother must be so proud. Although... her mother is rolling around in all that Fame Money so she couldn't care less) "SHUT UP AND DO ME".
Anyway, in case you were worried, the train wreck continues.
And it's kind of awesome.
Rock on, Britney.
