buy me diamonds

Because buymediamonds.com was taken

2004-11-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

I am now a DOT COM.

How very exciting! (well, to ME anyway).

Check it out.

www.prettycrabby.com

Feeling

2004-11-03T13:28:00.000-05:00

Annoyed: Because I unknowingly put on The Pants Which Will Not Be Tamed this morning. Otherwise known as The Pants With The Broken Zipper. I keep feeling a draft down there.

Tired: Staying up until 1:30 on a school night only to be horribly disappointed will do that to a girl. Zzzzzz. Hey? Hi!

Reluctant: My Starbucks coffee sleeve informs me that "It's Time for Mistletoe Kisses". It is? I'm not ready.

Confused: I just got a phone call from the director of my office's catering services that I won a mountain bike. Whaaa? Apparently someone put my name in (with a different address and no phone number) and since I am the only Emily _______ in the company, I get the bike. Weird. As I told him, "well, I like presents. I feel I should get them all the time and win all kinds of prizes!" He humored me by laughing. He probably thought I was kidding.

Poofy: Stupid curly flippy-ass hair which WILL NOT BE CONTAINED!

Grumpy: The Global Crackerhead just told me the Democrats & Republicans should get together because really our values and morals aren't different at all. Oh, did he hear that they legalized gay marriage? Because I didn't. Finally I said "I can't talk about this!" and ran away. Idiot.

Ready: To go here and spend too much money. Nothing like retail therapy to cheer yourself up.

Industrious: I think all the blue states should separate and form our own country. Think of all the FABULOUS gay weddings we'll have! Who's with me?

America is scary

2004-11-03T10:27:00.000-05:00

Feh.

I'm so depressed.

Luckily, I never really EXPECTED anything different, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

As Jon Stewart (the only bright spot of last night was The Daily Show) said "it's like a dream I have, where I wake up crying".

See you in four years, when I crawl out from under my bed.

one more for change

2004-11-02T13:41:00.000-05:00

I feel sick with worry and anticipation, my stomach hurts and I just looked at CNN.com and almost threw up. I am excited and FREAKED OUT.

I wish I understood people who want to vote for Bush, who think he is the safer, smarter, BETTER choice, but I don't. But I don't have to because voting for YOUR choice and your choice to be heard. I know that Kerry will win Massachusetts with or without my vote but I want my number to be there and to show one more person who is not happy with George W. Bush.

It's all I can do, and so I HAPPILY do it.

I'm looking forward to sprinting out of here soon and going to check another box for John Kerry.

I'm anxious for what will greet us all tomorrow.

I'm giddy at the CHANCE for a change. Onward!

Elroy says

2004-11-02T09:13:00.000-05:00

Is this what they mean by ballot box??

Don't forget to vote! Or I will come and bite you. I BITE YOU IN THE FACE!

Oh, no, come back. I loooove you.

I'm sorry.

Please vote.

Thank you.

did you hear about the Red Sox?

2004-11-01T15:47:00.000-05:00

One last Halloween(or "Halloweenie", as Annie likes to say) photo. Pumpkin carving by My Talented Friend John (with way more patience than me).

I know, you probably hadn't heard that the Red Sox WON THE WORLD SERIES. It's all very hush-hush.

Almost time to away for the day. It's 4 pm, time for bed!

Tomorrow, my greatest joy or greatest living nightmare comes true. My uterus and I are very worried.

What I dislike

2004-11-01T13:57:00.000-05:00

I know. You were ANXIOUSLY awaiting my dislikes. Here you go.

Cottage cheese; pricetags (I must always unstick them from anything I buy. It's my own personal OCD); turtlenecks, dickies, and ascots; people who act superior because they don't have a TV; clocks that are wrong; hearing the same stories over again; people yelling or screaming or generally sucking; John Tesh; Willem Dafoe; the word "gristle"; people who worship their children (like this woman I saw on the train recently who would not stop kissing her son and telling him she loved him and "you are such a good boy!" For over 8 stops she did this! Gah. Shut up!); falling back (as an aside I should point out that yesterday Carl's clock was wrong (!) and he told me it was 4:30. I said "4:30?!? It's COMPLETELY DARK! I'm going to KILL MYSELF!" But then, happily (?) we realized it was 5:15. Which is still not great, but pitch black at 4:30 would have been too much. ANYWAY.); socks; olives; licorice; broken underwire in bras (does this happen to anyone else?); this one date I went on once where the guy wore white jeans; white jeans; oblivious-ness; rudeness (how very Playboy of me. "Turnoffs include: rudeness and people who are fake..."); the smell of gasoline; leg cramps; grapefruit juice; getting up early; those posters people hang up in offices (the ones which have an "inspirational" picture and a giant word like PARTNERSHIP); Dick Cheney (he's a scary monster man!); people who don't understand Secretary; animals wearing clothes; that time I got bus sick in Italy; and, lastly, having to explain that Frank Black is "that guy from the Pixies".

Obligatory Halloween Cuteness

2004-11-01T09:21:00.000-05:00

For your enjoyment, Annie and Lucie - both with face paint by yours truly.

Annie had a Spiderman costume but in the end she went with being Robin, helper guy to Batman.

Lucie is the saddest skeleton in the world!

Strangely enough, she cheered up immensely when she began to receive candy. (She also appears to be wearing a goatee and very large glasses. The makeup was much spookier in real life.)

Elroy says

2004-10-29T13:56:00.000-04:00

Oh. It's Halloween again?

I guess I could wear a costume. I could put a bow on my face. It's kind of festive.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM BOW-FACE!

I'm BOW-FACE CAT MAN!

Hey. Hi?

Do you like it?

Oh, crap. It's stuck!

Hey?!

Come back!

(Happy Halloween!)

What I like

2004-10-29T13:22:00.000-04:00

I love the part of High Fidelity (the movie. Not the also great book. Although it may have been part of the book too, I did read it, I just don't remember b/c I haven't seen it four times like I have the movie) where John Cusack says it isn't what you ARE like that matters but what you actually like. So, here are my likes. Judge for yourself! (soon to follow, my dislikes).

Sephora; Vente non-fat lattes; margaritas; things "on the rocks"; Tostitos with lime; boys who play drums; kids with UK accents; geekiness; freckles; red shoes (which is a bone of contention with Pinky b/c she HATES them. I think she had her feet bound in her last life or something); my digital camera; starfish, high tide, rocks; street fairs; Swedish fish (many of my things are junk food. How come?); extra sharp cheddar cheese (my last food thing, I swear); the sound of crunching snow; baby elephants (cutest thing ever. Ohmigod, the CUTENESS!); this rearview mirror thing I have on my monitor so I don't always have to crane my head around to see who's stalking me; the first sign of leaves on the trees, that lovely limey color; walking home late at night in January when it is super dark, cold, and quiet; Magic Hat fortunes; this drink mix called Emer'gen-C that I first drank when I lived in California; riding over the Charles on the train every morning; and lately, the Mama's and the Papa's.

Things I have an inexplicable burning love for:
The smell of dryer sheets and clean laundry in general; clouds; thunder and lightning; lip gloss; my leather bag with the tortoise shell handles; Elroy's pink nose; James Spader; vodka and cranberry; my $5 dress I got at Portebello Market; The Dark End of the Street; my rock collection; and Boots the Chemist.

Funny cuz it's mean

2004-10-29T13:19:00.000-04:00

Currently cracking up at": this.

It contains the immortal words:

"Poor Monica; who knew getting fucked with a cigar by the President would make you so untouchable? Back to making purses, spinster!"

Hee.

I feel so dirty.

The Friday Five

2004-10-29T11:36:00.000-04:00

1) Of everything in your wardrobe what do you feel the most comfortable wearing? Why?
What do I literally FEEL the most comfortable in? Or what do I like the best? I guess I feel most comfortable in pajamas, but I am guessing that is not what the question means. I feel most myself in jeans. Lately my weekend uniform is bootcut dark jeans, my black belt, this turquoise sweater I recently bought, and my black Uggs. I don't care if they are "over" I still think they are cute.

Shut up.

2) How would you describe your style?
God. I don't know.

I think I am pretty much on the casual end of the scale. My day to day work uniform is pants (gray or black) and some random/boring shirt. Often it is black. I often layer things too. Today I have on gray pants, a black shirt, ballet flats from Rocket Dog and a green sweater I got at Target. That is pretty typical.

When I go out at night (however rare that is. Seriously, I am actually 85 years old. Don't tell anyone) I usually wear jeans, cute shoes and a fancy black shirt of some kind. I will also wear some sort of jewelry. I know, I'm so exciting! Contain yourself!

3) How many pairs of shoes do you own and do you wear them all?
I counted like two years ago and I had about 35 pairs of shoes. Since then I have gotten new pairs and gotten rid of old, so I would say that is my average. I do wear them all but they are seasonal (flip-flops vs. Uggs, etc) so I don't wear them all ALL THE TIME. I would obviously need more feet for that.

4) Where do you buy most of your clothes?
I buy a lot of stuff at the Gap, their pants fit me well usually. They have pants for shorties. I also like the clothes Target has. See, low end and casual, that's me! H&M has cute shirts sometimes although they aren't all that well made in my experience.

5) What was the last piece of clothing you bought?
I got a black shirt on sale on the Gap. It has a white line on the collar. Which makes it slightly different from the approximately 85 other black shirts I have.

I once counted (do I have OCD? What is up with the counting?) and had 23 long sleeved black shirts hanging in my closet. I would imagine it is more than that now.

I clearly have a problem.

Typical

2004-10-29T09:39:00.000-04:00

wondering

2004-10-28T16:53:00.000-04:00

What happened to my camera phone? Suddenly, the photos are twice as big as they were earlier in the week. I didn't do anything differently, but now they are BIG AND BAD and I am confused.

Did my phone just decide it likes me better or something?

Things I love # 4

2004-10-28T14:24:00.000-04:00

Big ass sunglasses.

Currently my heart belongs to these:

(Wow! It's sunny today! Thank God I have my BIG ASS SUNGLASSES! And WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY HAIR? I look like Anthony Kiedis with his new Sonny Bono bob! Pretty! And I am holding my bag on my shoulder like That Girl! I am Marlo Thomas/Sonny Bono-Kiedis IN DISGUISE! Also, I am slightly concerned about the fact that I seem to have no lips, or a fourth of my regular lips. Where did they go? They took a lot of my nose with them.)

I got these sunglasses along with another identical (although tortoise shell pair, for mixing things up) GARGANTUAN pair two years ago. But with time, and my undying love, they are now kind scratched and generally beat up and I am a sad pony. I love my huge glasses! They disguise my GIANT FACE! The better to EAT YOU WITH!

Miss Fussy has some awesome glasses. I covet them. I wrote her a rabid fan letter demanding to know where she got them ("I MUST HAVE THEM FOR MY VERY OWN!") and she was nice enough to write me back but I can't seem to find THOSE anywhere on-line. I may have to take this battle to the streets. It's scary out there. I will have to protect my eyes.

With giant scratched glasses!

It's HORRIBLE! My glasses are all scratched and I can't see! What's next? Eating Ramen noodles by the heat of the gas stove? Walking up hill in the snow, without shoes? LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER?

The battle rages on.

I need help! Warriors on my quest for the holy glasses. If anyone knows where I can find GIANT GLASSES please email me.

I plan to be very Corey Heart about it.

I'll wear them at night. So I can, so I can, watch you live and breath your storylines.

(Um, what does that even MEAN?)

because you're worth it

2004-10-28T13:57:00.000-04:00

A pic I just took out my boss' window. Pretty leaves! Pretty day!

Also, someone just found me by searching for "buy diamonds for myself". Awesome! You buy diamonds for yourself! YOU DESERVE THEM!

And the city says YIPPIE!

2004-10-28T11:16:00.000-04:00

So, I am not really a fan of baseball, fare weather or otherwise, but if you live in Boston, then you feel it. You know what it means.

Today I am happy for all the people who have RABIDLY waited for this FOR YEARS and YEARS and even ENTIRE LIFETIMES, only to see it not come through, and have their hearts broken again and again. I am so happy for my mommy to have seen them won (not to mention beating Those Damn Yankees) and for people who just KEPT ON BELIEVING. I feel for them. Seeing them SO HAPPY makes me happy and while I don't personally take much stock in sports or that whole world, I know it can rally people and bring them together and that is lovely.

I know how much people WANTED it and so for them, I am thrilled.

2004-10-27T13:58:00.000-04:00

I'm very hyper today and I feel weird. Not sure what to write other than AHHHH! and WHEEE! and that doesn't make much of an entry.

I watched The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown last night. I LOVE Charlie Brown! My personal favorite part is when Sally realizes that she has been in the pumpkin patch all night and has missed trick or treating and she yells "I want CANDY APPLES and GUM!" She is a true "Buy Me Diamonds!" type of girl and I am so down with that. She wants what she wants when she wants it. WORD.

Thanks to Miss Apl aka Jen for sending me Honeycomb, the new Frank Black CD which will not be released for months. He sings DARK END OF THE STREET and I cry and cry. I heart that song. Oh, I heart it a lot!

Someone here keeps GROANING LOUDLY IN PAIN and it is very weird. Shhh. Also, this is a drug company - take some drugs! SHUSH!

I am going to go to the Garment District and look for a blue bob wig. I have always wanted one. I think they are kind of pretty. In a David Lynch/Blue Velvet kind of way. Anyway, off I go. Woo! (what a pointless post!)

I WANT CANDY APPLES AND GUM!

Things I love # 3

2004-10-26T15:06:00.000-04:00

NYPD Blue.

It is not really a THING, it's a show, and I have mentioned it before but I was just thinking about it for like 10 minutes, and that must mean love.

I remember when Jimmy Smits character died and I was sobbing. Like HEAVING SOBS OF SADNESS. And, I sobbed all the way up the stairs to the bathroom and I sobbed in the shower. SOBS!! They killed Bobby! The part that got me was that he was hallucinating (from the fact that he was DYING, y'all) and he visualized himself on his roof with his pigeons (yes, he raised homing pigeons. I don't know why) and he was laying there and looked up to see Dennis Franz and all of the squad (excuse me while I bust out the cop terminology. Later I might "kick him to the curb") were there looking down at him. Did I mention? SOB!?

Also, that other time I sobbed was when they killed off Dennis Franz's son and he came in to the hospital and PICKED HIM UP OFF THE GUIRNEY all while CRYING ("look what they did to my boy!") and then, you know... SOBS.

Yeah, so, they tend to kill people off.

But it is also a show which makes me LAUGH regularly (and not at the people dying. Mostly b/c everyone is crabby and therefore funny. Crabby is funny! You heard it here first), and the writing is really good. I know some people gave up on it after all the cast changes (David "Everything I say is in the form of a question, isn't it?" Caruso! Gail "I'm on American Dreams Now" O'Grady! Kim "I'm not drunk right now, I swear" Delainey!) but it's in it's last season now and it's really good again. I promise! So, try it. You don't have to commit. In May, it will be OVER.

All that said, tonight Sipowitz gets SHOT! I am not looking forward to that.

Did people not hear me when I said it would be BAD NEWS to mess with Sprouts!?

One more week

2004-10-26T10:06:00.000-04:00

I feel anxious and terrified about next Tuesday. Super Tuesday, to you. I want to watch the news with my hands over my face, peeking out between my fingers at the HORROR that is our future with George Bush. I can't believe anyone would think he was the better choice against Kerry. Hell, I can't believe anyone would think he was the better choice against ANYONE but that is neither here nor there.

Whoever wins will have the chance to stack the Supreme Court and that is bloody frightening. I am just crossing everything possible and hoping for the best, but I feel a sense of dread and it is not just because Halloween is spooky.

Anyway, today I changed my desktop to this.

I hope it is more than just a pretty picture.

Things I love # 2

2004-10-25T14:48:00.000-04:00

I have gotten a bunch of fabulous emails in the last week and the latest one I got (just now!) was from the writer of STIFF (click the link to the right, fools!) a book I madly loved.

It only takes a second to tell someone "I loved what you did" or "you are fabulous!" but I don't feel like we do it enough. I have been trying to do it more lately, to use this silly Internet world to reach out to people I admire just to let them know THAT. And it is unexpected and exciting when I actually hear something back.

So, in conclusion: People are nice! Emails are easy to write! Send one to someone you like today!
Google their name, and I bet you can find contact info. Drop them a cheerful line, and tell them they done good.

Rock on.

The 'Oh My God, SHUT UP' Award of the day

2004-10-25T13:57:00.000-04:00

Dear Loud Crabby Bitch Who Sits Behind Me,

Yes, I think all of your theories on the Red Sox and Curt Shillings ankle are SO TERRIBLY INTERESTING. I liked it the first time I heard it, it was only mildly annoying, but then I heard it A SECOND TIME, and then AGAIN A THIRD AMAZING TIME. The story never changed. Each time it included the part about how you saw the sign "Curt Shilling for President" and thought that was "just about right!" and how he has all the "qualities" to be president. You are so brilliant, and observant, I may put you on TV!

I really also love hearing about your daughters trip to Milan and how she is going there in the spring and "did you also know she is doing her dissertation?" Why, yes. I DID know that. Because I have heard it A HUNDRED TIMES.

Now you are playing all your voicemail messages on speaker and I can hear ALL THE INTERESTING THINGS everyone has to say to you. Yet, SHOCKINGLY, none of them are about work. WHAT do you actually do here?

You have this GREAT THING called a DOOR, (something which I DO NOT have) yet you like to leave it open so I can hear all your SCINTILLATING CONVERSATIONS. Lucky me!

Please, for the love of all that is good and happy in the world. CLOSE YOUR DOOR!

Oh, and please, please, SHUT UP.
Curt Shillings ankle and I thank you.
Love,
Emily

An entry in which I ramble. A lot.

2004-10-25T11:08:00.000-04:00

I can't complain because all three bosses are gone and I came in at 10:30 today. Awesome.

It was a good weekend. I missed you, Internet!

I started the weekend off by getting drunkity, drunk, DRUNK at Delaine and Fred's going away party, which was sadder than I thought it would be. Delaine and Fred ARE LEAVING! It's very sad! I think I was in denial about it or something cause standing there listening to people toasting them and saying they loved them and (possibly in my above mentioned state of DRUNKENNESS) I was like "I love them too! I love them lots!" Oh, the SADNESS!

But, it was also pretty fun. All my people were there, and at the end of the night I was sitting there looking at Delaine opening presents and my dad and Elaine smooshed together in a chair and I had that thing where you just want to FREEZE THE MOMENT and stop everything because you are happy and alive and with people you love. And perhaps because you are drunk.

Then I went home and barfed. Fun!

I think throwing up helps the hangover factor because the next day I felt FINE other than being tired. So, listen up drunks, THROWING UP IS GOOD!

Saturday night I babysat for Annie, Luc, and Ellery and that was fun. I was not drunk because I am a responsible adult in charge of small children! (no snickering in the back) Those are some funny kids. Ellery got his face painted earlier at Fenway park and I took a picture of him with my phone (he ASKED me to take his picture! He hates getting his picture taken! It was MONUMENTOUS!) and it didn't come out great, but here it is.

It kinda looks like he has some kind of weird rash, but NO, that is face paint. He went to bed with it on and hopefully it has since come off. He wouldn't let me wash it off, I tried! I swear!

Yesterday I had coffee with Delaine (who is LEAVING! SADNESS!) and walked around and went home and cleaned and dyed my hair. It is supposed to be a dark brown with highlights, and it kind of seemed coppery, brassy and red. Oh well. Because I didn't want to stress it out with styling today, I skipped my initial Beating It Into Submission (otherwise known as straightening it) and so it's all poofy and big today. Here is a picture I just took (technology - YAY!)

I refuse to look at the camera b/c every time I do I have these weird forehead lines which come from raising my eyebrows as if to say "Here is my red poofy hair! I am not convinced!" and those big forehead lines make me think I need botox at 28. I will FREEZE MY FACE in FEAR OF FOREHEAD LINES! Also, my hair looks REALLY RED there and it is Not That Red, but the light in here is dim, so whatever. In conclusion - Hair = poofy and kind of red.

Lastly, yesterday was Kristin's birthday and since I was not at work (praise the Lord) I didn't get to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTIN! She is also known as DJ Ortho, and also known as Mofo (but only in the nicest possible way) and I lurve her. She turned 25 and now she is Old Like Me! She cracks me up on a regular basis and makes me think that our weird since of humor must be biological because while she is my dear darling friend, she is also my little cousin. She is The Cousin For ME! Literally! Anyway, I hope she has a most excellent year and has Too Much Fun because she deserves it.

Maybe I will do some work now. I leave you with one last pho(ne)to that I tried to be artsy with while walking around JP.

It's fall. I'm sad.

Things I hate # 2

2004-10-22T16:47:00.000-04:00

The fact that it is 4:45 on a Friday and I should be THRILLED (elated! Overjoyed!) but instead I am sad because Friday afternoon = no Internet for TWO WHOLE DAYS!

What IS a girl to do?

Elroy says

2004-10-22T13:31:00.000-04:00

Oh.

I'm so sleepy. I can't even lift up my head. Head...so...heavy. Zzzzz...

What?

It's Friday?

Oh....Good.

Wake me up on the weekend....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

bummah

2004-10-22T13:22:00.000-04:00

I am kind of bummed today because last week I saw a form which lead me to believe my job here, as a contractor, (which - let's face it - is a fancy word for TEMP) would be turning permanent soon. Speaking to my boss on the phone on Wednesday, he told me it was for a new position being created, also reporting to him and sitting in the office with me.

It doesn't mean I WON'T become permanent, and it could even happen SOON, but I am still sad kind of. They have money in the budget for a NEW person but not for me? Who has been here for five months? Everyone says they really like me, blah blah blah, but still...just a temp! Feh.

At least it is Friday. Finally. Another long week, over.

I think I will go watch some Making Fiends to cheer myself up.

The Friday Five

2004-10-22T10:20:00.000-04:00

1. How much TV do you watch?
I probably watch about five hours of TV a day. I turn it on when I get home and putz around and then watch something at night until I go to bed. Less on the weekends.

2. What is your favorite type of programming?
What does this mean? My favorite type of programming? Um, GOOD programming? I guess if I think about it, I watch more dramas than anything else. Is that what they mean?

3. What is your favorite TV show?
I am trying to think of one show I MUST WATCH and I am having trouble. Nothing is crucial the way Buffy or Alias used to be. I really like NYPD Blue and Without a Trace. Other than that, everything is pretty replaceable. Some shows I like a lot are Everwood, Scrubs, Boston Legal (for the Spader) and Arrested Development.

4. Do you watch a TV show from beginning to end, or are you a flipper?
My remote is broken (how archaic!) and so I watch things beginning to end. Especially b/c if I lay on the couch, the fat cat comes and lies on me and I am trapped.

5. Could you give up TV for a month?
Yeah. I have done it before. I would miss the zoning out factor but with TWoP, I could catch up on everything. Don't you DARE ask me to give up the Internet though! HORRORS!

My perfect timing

2004-10-21T11:36:00.000-04:00

I didn't watch the Sox game last night because I just can't take all the suspense and drama. But I did turn it on a few times, just to see what was happening.

At one point I turned it on just in time to see Johnny Damon hit his grand slam!
YAHOO!

So, not only am I a Fairweather Fan, I am a Fairweather Fan with Awesome Timing.

I am skeptical that Boston even knows how to react to something THIS HAPPY. How can we function unless our tiny hearts are CRUSHED INTO A MILLION PIECES?!?

I guess we'll have to find a way!

Elroy says

2004-10-21T10:47:00.000-04:00

Why is it not Friday yet? Will it be Friday if I look at it this way? Are you sure? Why do you hurt me so? Don't you love me?

IS IT FRIDAY NOW?

No?

Damn.

FRIIIIIIIIIDAAAAY!!

small children trust me

2004-10-20T15:47:00.000-04:00

Here is a REAL response I got to a personal ad (yes, I put a personal ad up. We'll see what happens. I am skeptical but you never know). I think this is so fabulous, sweet and strange, yet I can't bring myself to reply. Read on:

i am adoring of books and films which make me think, lush music, fluffy things
and nice legs. i enjoy an occasional cocktail, or other mood-altering
imbibement, but am addicted to inhaling sushi until my stomach visibly distends
[ew], and smooching soft lips into the wee hours
of the eve [hee!]. i love
my family and all animals. i am capricious, affectionate, spiritual and
sometimes, solemn. small children trust me.

i can't wait to have little childies [who?] of my own. though, i admit, i am hampered a bit, by the lack of a dear wife. but, i am a patient, young lad. ther's still lots to
do.

cool. solid. righteous. say likewise if i have intrigued even
the most tender morsel of your delicate soul.

I don't think I am the girl for him. My soul is not delicate and last I checked, no tender morsels here.

"Tender morsels" reminds me of chicken, and I am not sure why...

2004-10-20T14:59:00.000-04:00

Sars has a lovely thing up about voting, which I totally and completely agree with. Last night I read that only something like 1 in 5 women under 30 voted in 2000. And look where that got us!

Anyway, VOTE. Do it for your bodies. Do it for your daughters. Do it for your gay friends.

They're all counting on you.

Hump Day

2004-10-20T10:40:00.000-04:00

I have always hated the word HUMP. I don't know why. It's one of those words that just sits there. Other words I can't stand are: gristle, scabies, scab, shingles, hunk, chalk, and funky. They just SOUND gross, not to mention they all kind of ARE gross. Well, chalk isn't gross. But the word just kind of lingers in your throat when you say it. CH-A-LK. It makes me want to cough or something.

So, Hump Day. It's just weird! What are we supposed to do? I have visions of hopping on someone's leg and going to town! 'Woo! It's Hump Day!' I get it, we are on the hump of the week. Blah blah blah. I don't care if it SORT OF makes sense, I still don't like it.

As for the word HUNK - I hate when boys are described as a 'hunk'. Because what? A hunk is a PILE OF SOMETHING. It's not attractive. It's like a hunk of cheese. A side of beef. It's not SEXY.

ANYWAY.

Miss Alli has a great/true post up today about the Red Sox. I would like to say that I am optimistic about it, but I kind of fear the worst. As she says, they always seem to make it the MOST PAINFUL LOSS possible and then we are all DEVASTATED and left weeping into our overpriced Red Sox hats and giant foam fingers. I hope they can do it. We are a City of Hope right now, and we are united in a dream. Go, Sox!

In other news, someone found my little blog by searching for "sipowitz stalker nypd blue". Who searches for this? What were they looking for exactly? What did they hope to learn? I am so curious. Was it YOU?

Enjoy your Hump (ew) Day.

The Ballad of Elroy

2004-10-19T14:54:00.000-04:00

Why, hello.

I am Elroy.

I am 6 years old. I think. Sometimes I act like I am seven or four and sometimes I just don't know. You can ask my mom.

I love emery boards. I think they are fabulous. I bite them - they are delicious. Mmm, nail files.

Come here, I'll rub my gums on you!

Hey! Where are you going?

I'll follow you in the bathroom. My beds in there, you know?

This is MY room.

Why are you shutting the door? I can open the door.

Hello!?! Rudeness!

I can jump very high in the air. It's true. I will only jump for tinsel balls. If you throw some OTHER kind of ball, I will just sit there and stare at you. I deserve SPARKLES and TINSEL! Anything less is RIDICULOUS! I will not dignify that rubber ball with even a GLANCE OF INTEREST. Puh-leeeze.

What are you working on? Are you trying to read something? Can I see it? What is it? Can I help? I think I could lay on that.

Did you bring that paper bag home for me? Or even better, is it a BOX? Boxes RULE! But don't try to pet me in there. In the box, I become invincible! I am The King of The Box!

When you come in the bathroom at night, you will wonder where I am. I'm not in my bed.

Or in the window I like to sit in.

No, I'll mix it up. I am in the sink! The sink is a great bed for me! My fat butt BARELY FITS in there! I love it! Viva, the bathroom sink! Try it! It's AWESOME! It confuses everyone!

If I lay on my back with my stomach in the air, aren't I cute?

You would think that means I want you to pet me on my belly, right? Well, YOU WOULD BE WRONG!

I will BITE OFF YOUR HAND!

Oh... wait. I'm sorry.

Please don't leave.

I love you. Pet me again. Aren't I beautiful? Are you going to pet my belly?

I'LL RIP OFF YOUR FACE! I'm CRAYZEEEE! RROWOWL!

. . .

Oh no. I did it again.

I'm so ashamed.

I love you.

Let's never fight again.

Things I love # 1

2004-10-19T13:55:00.000-04:00

Free food left over from meetings.

Mmm. Cookies.

Things I hate # 1

2004-10-19T13:11:00.000-04:00

People in meetings or on conference calls who do not shut their doors.

DOORS ARE FOR SHUTTING! Use them!

Grrr.

Monday... again

2004-10-18T14:55:00.000-04:00

Mug's son asked her recently "is the weekend ALWAYS ONLY TWO DAYS?" and burst into tears. It should be noted, he's 6 years old. It's going to be a long time of ONLY TWO DAY weekends for him. He also asked if they could "just go on vacation for the whole winter". To that I say;

Word, baby, WORD.

It is really starting to get colder now. I open my door when I get home at night so that Elroy can sit by the screen and pretty soon, I am slamming it shut again and putting on more clothes. Yesterday my dad and I drove around and peeped at leaves and pumpkins and peoples seasonal Holiday flags - featuring happy ghosts and candy corn with faces. Food should not have a faces, in case you were wondering (also that brings me to a pet peeve of mine - what is UP with food in commercials that is singing and dancing around and jumping into dishes to be microwaved? Don't you know IT IS NOT GOING TO END WELL, Happy Pasta People?).

ANYWAY. So, colder. I don't mind that SO MUCH, it doesn't make me want to break down in tears the way that other thing does. Because OH IT IS PAINFUL.

I am talking about Falling Back, and, in case you were wondering, it is Slowly Killing Me. Oh, I just HATE IT with the FIERY PASSION OF A THOUSAND SUNS. Suns that go dark at 4 PM b/c we have fallen back and now it is just so dark I might as well sit inside and eat and watch Everwood and NEVER COME OUTSIDE AGAIN because OH MY GOD IT IS SO DARK!

A-hem.

As I was saying. Falling back? Hate. It.

This is going to be a slow-ish week for me because all three bosses are in various states of traveling and away-ness. I hope I can get some of my work done, but I also have to make a CD compilation for the FB.netters and try to do some more writing. I have grand ideas and copious ideas about ALL THE THINGS I WILL DO! But, we'll see what I have ACTUALLY DONE when Friday rolls around. But, now I have written about it, so perhaps that will inspire me. Oh, Internet, do your worst!

Lastly, I got a very sweet email from Gabrielle over at Soleberry today. I have linked to the site in my PRETTY (oh so pretty!) section and somehow she found me and wrote me a nice note. It was such a lovely thing to come in to on a Monday morning, it cheered me up immensely. God bless the Internet! I guess it would be rude to write back and say "I LOVE PRETTY PAPER AND do you know what I also love? THINGS THAT ARE FREE!!"

Of course, I would never do that. I am much too polite.

Feeling nostalgic

2004-10-15T14:50:00.000-04:00

Exactly one year ago TO THE MINUTE THAT I AM POSTING THIS, I was standing in the Astoria in London, pressed against a barrier and screaming my lungs out to Frank Black and The Catholics while making love eyes at the pretty bass player.

Oh, WHY CAN'T WE GO BACK AND RELIVE THINGS AGAIN?

The Friday Five

2004-10-15T11:35:00.000-04:00

1. What was the last dream that you had about?

This morning I had a dream about a guy from Without A Trace last night (coincidentally the same guy who played Steve on Sex and the City, but in my dream he was his freaky/alien obsessed character from WIT). We were on a small school bus with a lot of kids who were mentally impaired (a handicapped bus? I don't know) and we ended up at the house of my best friend, Leah, from when I was five. Then I was in their kitchen and her mom was showing me family photos. When I woke up, my hand was asleep, which was odd.

2. Does it hold any significant meaning to you?

Not really. Leah just had a baby and my mom and I were talking about her last night and then I watched the TV show. I think everything just got scrambled up in my overwhelmed brain and came out all smooshed together. My brain is a blender!

3. Do you dream in color or black and white?

Color. Always. I have extremely vivid dreams, but I also have lucid dreams 90% of the time, and I can (and do) wake myself up (usually by thinking in the dream, "OPEN YOUR EYES!").

4. What is the most frightening dream you ever had?

I have dreams where I am SCREAMING at my parents (usually my dad) and telling him I hate him. They are really upsetting and scary, especially b/c I am so close to my parents. I think it comes from me trying to break away from that in my subconscious or something. Who knows what Freud would say. But I don't care because he was bat-crackers.

5. Is there one dream that stays clear in your mind despite the fact it was more than a few years ago?

I clearly remember a recurring dream I had when I was about four where I was running through a corn field and there was a witch in a tepee. It was very Children of the Corn, mixed with a little Wizard of Oz and clearly also some Thanksgiving themes (corn, tepees).

It's official, I am a freak in my dreams! (and sometimes, let's face it, in life too)

the morning after

2004-10-14T13:22:00.000-04:00

Feeling: YAY!

Hoping for: the best.

Expecting: the worst.

REFRESH is your friend

2004-10-13T16:19:00.000-04:00

I am in the process of a Blog Redo. I am learning more about what I like for the links and the sidebar and the colors. Hit REFRESH if nothing looks different from before.

Suggest a color for the sidebar (where them there links are!) b/c I have been playing with Colormatch for an hour and I am starting to get dizzy.

Work? What's that?

2004-10-13T15:14:00.000-04:00

Help, I can't stop reading Melanie Griffiths website.

A sample quote from Melanie (from the section For The Record, where she apparently answers all sorts of tabloid reports. Doesn't she have to WORK at all? Or does she just stay home all day drinking wine, popping pills, and reading her own press? Wait, don't answer that.)

"Antonio has beautiful, thick, and natural hair. I should know, I run my fingers through it all the time. [Wait, the hair on his head or his chest hair? Ew.] And for the record, I would never, suggest that he get hair transplants. "

FOR THE RECORD! Hee.

My favorite part of the site is when suddenly her own voice comes on and says things like "the truth, straight from me to you" or "welcome to the magic door".

It's so weird! She's crazy! She's chalk full of nuts! I think she keeps them in her GIGANTIC LIPS.

Slump Day

2004-10-13T13:37:00.000-04:00

How can it only be Wednesday? This week has been going on SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME and I am tired, tired, TIRED.

Mug had our Girls Night last night, which was fun. My favorite part was watching the rerun of CSI in which a teenager was eaten (yes, eaten) by her friends on PCP. Yum! "What's for dinner?" "Cathy!" "Great, she always looks SO DELICIOUS!" Heh.

Then I ran home and turned on NYPD Blue, in it's very last season. Can we have a Moment of Silence please for how much I love Dennis Franz? LOVE! I don't know what it is about him, his character is kind of an ass, but he always just makes me want to cry and laugh, his delivery is always so perfect (delivery? What am I, an acting student? Well, anyway) and if I saw him on the street I would JUST HAVE TO hug him. "I'm so sorry your wife/partner/other partner and son all died!"

Anyway, now Andy Sipowitz (the character he plays and which my spellcheck wants to change to Sprouts - hee) has a stalker and it BETTER NOT TURN OUT BADLY for him or THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY! No one messes with Sprouts!

Now I am getting all violent and stuff. LOOK OUT!

Also? The kid who plays his son?

So. Very. Cute.

Mereubu sent me this today. So random! So funny! I love the part about Elvis sitting up and starting to sing because... what? Did he think he was in a movie or something? It's so bizarre!

In Global Crackerhead news, my boss apparently told my co-worker he (GC that is) is "like the absent minded professor" and also "incompetent". See, the good people always win. At least in my world.

On that note, debate #3 tonight. I hope GW fucks it up again. I don't understand the people who are saying he did BETTER in the last debate. Did they not see it? "Internets"?? Also, the LEAPING OFF THE CHAIR and the EXCESSIVE WHINING. Oh, yes, you are President, it is SO HARD. Please, shut up and go away. I will not miss you. I guess if we are grading on a curve, then he did slightly better than the first debate in which he moaned about the hardness and seeing the war on his TV. I swear to God, he is a MORON. I want to think you would have to be REMOTELY SMART to be President, but that just doesn't seem to be true.

I miss Bill. Say what you will, but he is a smarty. About the OFFICE THINGS. Not smart where his penis was (is?) concerned, I know. Bitch all you like, but at least he was FUN. All GW is is dumb.

And, I think, having minor strokes all the time, because WHAT IS WITH THE BLINKING??

Enjoy the show! XXX.

If hate were people, I'd be CHINA.

2004-10-12T13:56:00.000-04:00

I have this feeling in my stomach like I might be sick and I kind of want to punch someone. That feeling is hate, and I am tired of it.

I cannot believe this - "The greatest danger we face is weapons of mass destruction in the hands of a terrorist enemy. Knowing what I know today I would've made the same decision," Bush said.

How can he say that? Knowing what he now knows he would make the same decision.

WHAT AN ASSHOLE!

web log = blog = where did all my time go?

2004-10-12T13:37:00.000-04:00

I already did the sites I visit every day but I should also list all the lovely blogs I check out every day. Blogs are sites too!

Already mentioned Dooce. I was telling my dad about her on Sunday. He was in stiches over the fact that she said she would have to stop regularly snorting coke lines off her baby's belly. Hee. Violent humor is the best kind.

Fresh Hell. Kim is one of my favorite Television Without Pity writers. She is awesome!

Pamie. I heart Pamie. She's the mom of Cal. Hi! HI! Cal for President!

AB Chao is making people laugh right now. You could be one of them.

I mentioned Miss Doxie before too. But I will mention her again - OH YES I WILL!

Miss Allison is a smart lady. She's pretty funny too.

Sars and Tomato Nation were one of the first sites I read regularly back in the Digitas days. Oh, those were some good times. She is still very funny. And smart. Also, do you know where Don is?

The other Sarah is pretty cool and she is The Birthday Hulk. Look out, she might kick your ass.

be sure to wear a flower in your hair...

2004-10-12T10:52:00.000-04:00

Delaine and Fred are moving to San Francisco in a few weeks and last night I was falling asleep and thinking about how very different my life would be if I had never been friends with her.

When I moved back to Boston from California in 1998 Delaine lived upstairs from me. The first day I lived there, we had a "family" yard sale and I came outside and Delaine and I sat on the stairs chatting.

I remember going to so many Babaloo shows that first year I was back. Delaine was one person who was always up for going with me. For dancing in the front row, for pushing me up to the stage. She was the reason I knew Babaloo at all, and somehow it all snowballed into a whole different life for me.

If not for Delaine, I wouldn't know no less than 8 very important folks in my life today. Three of whom are boys who had a huge impact on my heart, and my emotional self. For good and bad. I lusted after one for over a year; one was a mess but I liked him okay, and the third just won't go away. I have a whole Girlie Alliance b/c of Delaine. I wouldn't know Heather, Sarah, Jennifer, or Wendi without her. I wouldn't have been at Jennifer's wedding or a hundred other things tiny and not so tiny.

Without Delaine, I wouldn't live in the apartment I live in now. I remember when she called me up and and alerted me to it. I wasn't even thinking about moving. But somehow, I just... did.

I know everyone you meet changes your life or your direction in some way. I can see that in abstract ways with all the people I love. Somethings are more tangible. Some are vague. With Delaine, it is crystal clear. I feel blessed for knowing her. All the things she has done for me are great and generous. Some are small. Some are bigger than I can say. She's been my good friend. She's done a lot for me. Things I bet she doesn't even know. We've gone through breakups and moves and birthday parties and baby showers. Real life stuff. Things I won't ever forget.

Without her I would not be who I am.

I'm so happy for the journey she is about to take. That she gets to have a new adventure and a new different life. But I will miss all the little things that we do together. I am going to miss knowing she's around the corner. I'll miss our coffee mornings and our nights meeting up at the Behan. I won't lose touch with her, but I'll miss knowing she's in JP. In a way, she IS JP to me, and I will miss that too.

There are so many things I could list, but mostly I am just going to miss her.

Al Gore is my president

2004-10-11T14:42:00.000-04:00

I did a lot of work this morning (SHOCKING!) and now I am just kind of staring at the computer screen, drooling, wishing for more coffee and zoning out. Okay, I'm not REALLY drooling but you know. Zzzz. Is hard to be motivated especially around 3:00 on a Monday. Why is the day just not OVER yet?

Anywaaaaay.

I finally saw Fahrenheit 9/11 on Saturday (thank you, Mug!) and..., well, I can't really decide how I feel about it. It seems strange and empty to say I "liked" it. I mean, its not really a HAPPY movie, can you LIKE something like that? "Well, our president is a fucking doof, but I LOVED THAT MOVIE!" I don't know. I think it really made me kind of sad. I feel very depressed about the possibility that GW can (and probably WILL - sigh) win again. Although I am hesitant to say win AGAIN because I don't believe he even won in the first place.

And it made me miss Al Gore. Oh, Al. I kind of love you.

When I was 15 or 16 (thinks back and does some math....SIXTEEN!) and Clinton and Gore were campaining the first time around, my mom and I went to see Al speak at a gymnasium in Burlington, Vermont. It was relatively small and during a pause in his speech (possibly a lull, you know how Al can be) I yelled out "TALK ABOUT CHOICE!" He responded by saying something positive about how he and Bill would defend a woman's right to choose and the crowd started stomping their feet and yelling and screaming. He said something like "well, I guess you feel pretty strongly about that!" I remember feeling like they would win. I remember feeling HOPEFUL and EXCITED about what was going to happen to us. To America. To the world.

Now, I just feel dread.

I will be voting on November 2nd, I just got my confirmation for registering in the mail and the location where I will vote. I know it's something I can do, but I can't help feeling like Kerry is going to win Massachusetts no matter what, and I wish I could run away to Texas or Florida and vote there for once. That is where I could really possibly count.

I watched Fahrenheit 9/11 and watched clips of the news from November 2nd, 2000 declaring Al Gore the winner. And my heart just breaks.

I wonder what the world would be like, in that parallel world.

I wonder what will happen next.

I wonder what the future will look like on November 3rd.

I wonder.

You can't spell CLASSY without ASS

2004-10-11T10:15:00.000-04:00

Member when Britney Spears was kind of cute?

She could never really sing very well (aside from that one performance on Star Search where she belted it out in her big dress/big hair/big 11 year old screechy way) but she used to be kind of fashionable and interesting.

I think.

I remember one time she didn't overaccessorize - that period when she didn't add every trashy weird thing to her outfit that she possibly could. That time when she wasn't seen in a weird trucker cap with some saying on it like the one she recently bought at a gas station which said (her mother must be so proud. Although... her mother is rolling around in all that Fame Money so she couldn't care less) "SHUT UP AND DO ME".

Anyway, in case you were worried, the train wreck continues.

And it's kind of awesome.

Rock on, Britney.

London, baby!

2004-10-08T10:11:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling sad and nostalgic today because it was a year ago that I left for the most fun, happy, exhausting trip of my life.

I remember sitting in the airport, waiting for my plane to come in. Logging onto the Internet to check my email one more time, to send a message to my parents saying "Bon Voyage!" (or something slightly less boring), buying a Juicy Tube at the Duty Free shop (where I sang Kramers "I like to stop at the Duty free shop!" song to myself repeatedly in my head) and thinking about everything I was about to see.

I remember standing in the tube station in London looking up at the sun and thinking "I'm here!" and being so happy (and, let's face it, damn tired and jet lagged) in that moment it makes me tear up, still.

I think about walking in Notting Hill and looking at buildings.

Buying too many cards and too much stationary at Harrods (as Mereubu recently reminded me from an email I sent her while I was there "I traded paper for paper!")

Spending hours in Internet cafes, drinking cappachino. That Italian guy who was listening to his headphones and smoking up a storm. He was nice enough to offer me a cigarette too.

I laugh at the memory of getting to Edinburgh and waiting for Andy. I saw him once, as he ran by me in his oversized coat, looking flustered and confused. I called out to him, but he didn't hear me. I knew he would be back.

Walking the streets with him while he told the story of Duff Brogan (Andy, did I spell it right?) and "BLOODY HELL!" I developed an intense pain in my big toe and I limped back to his house after him where his five year old Catronia called me "Amalieee" and said "play with me!" It was an order, not a request.

V, Andy's wife, made me love her when she said she would spit her drink in my face. You may have had to be there.

I think about how thrilled I was to be there and with these people I knew only because of this crazy weird Internet world and feeling like everything was for a reason. Things were the way they were supposed to be, and I was in the very right place.

Remembering being lost in Brighton while I searched for that band that I lurve. Two drunk Englishmen begged me for a pound so they could buy cigarettes and one kept telling me "Agughg, you're GORGEOUS!" and finally kissed me on my cheek before he stumbled away.

Spending an hour sitting at the beach, taking photos of the dilapidated boardwalk and filling my pockets with jagged rocks, tumbled smooth.

I think about my Angel Bouncer outside the club who first informed me the show was Sold Out. Then seeing my FACE BREAK IN TWO and hearing my meek "but I came all the way here!" He said "not from AMERICA", and I laughed and said "well, not TODAY". Finally he LITERALLY DRAGGED me to the back of the club and said "STAND BY THE BUSES! GET ON THE LIST!" I looked skeptical, I'm sure (not wanting to be That Girl) and we were chatting when he suddenly yelled "There's the BASS PLAYER!" Silent monologue 'oh, The Lovely Bass Player (TLBP) I have a little crush on? His first interaction with me will be my BEGGING FOR A TICKET? Awesome'. Anyway, thanks for that Angel Bouncer, I got in the show. I got on the list. I got TLBP looking in my eyes and repeating my name back to me twice. THANK YOU ANGEL BOUNCER, wherever you are! Good karma goes around and will come back to you, for sure.

Remembering Miss Leah and screaming our lungs out the next night at show #2 of That Band That I Lurve. Blinding all those boys with my flash and making lotsa MEANINGFUL EYE CONTACT with my LBP.

Buying three ginourmous T-shirts outside the club, for Mereubu, Zan, and Me.

Spending hours at the National History Museum and going to the cafeteria only to discover OH MY GOD THEY DO NOT HAVE LARGE COFFEE? Running to Pret a Manger to buy a sandwich and PRAISE THE LORD A LARGE CAPPACHINO!

Going back to Harrods on my last day and buying Yet More Paper.

That lovely lotion from Boots. (Stupid America with our boring CVS)

Riding the London Eye with Steve and Barry. "We're not going to fall to our death, right?" "Right." ... "Good."

Trying to fit all the stuff I bought back into my bag. Thinking 'SWEET BABY JESUS WHY DID I BUY ALL THIS PAPER?'

That extremely annoying woman who sat next to me on the way home and could not for the life of her figure out her headphones. "Do yours work? Mine are broken!" After putting on my headphones, my sunglasses AND grabbing my magazine she TAPPED ME ON THE SHOULDER to shove her free Virgin socks in my face and ask me "what do you think of this color? Would you wear these?" Oy.

Dad picking me up at the airport to tell me Mug fell down and broke her arm. I left and SHE FELL DOWN AND BROKE HER ARM. Oh, the guilt!

Going home and petting that poor neglected cat.

Looking at pictures, organizing souvenirs (OH MY GOD, THE PAPER!) , and getting re-acclimated to my stupid boring everyday life.

The best trip ever. I was in charge, I was the boss of myself, and I did everything I wanted to do. I am such a spoiled little girl.

I'll even talk with a British accent, if you like.

Everyday sites

2004-10-07T13:56:00.000-04:00

Bored at work and was randomly clicking through the sites I visit regularly - here is a list:

Fug Blog. Most of you blogger peeps already know this one but oh, sooooo funny. I am clicking on them every couple hours to see if they updated yet.

Television Without Pity - I am a TV head girl so I just love this site. I heart the snark.

Fametracker. Always worth reading. Sometimes I peruse the archives just to see what I have missed.

Engrish. Another good one to look at the archives of. I know there are things I have missed. Plus, they post a new photo every day. His captions are half the fun.

CNN. Yeah, sometimes I actually read the news. Shocking, I know.

Dooce. Miss Dooce at least ads a photo every day and she generally does more than that. She's a damn funny lady. I *virtually* bow at her feet.

Google. You know them, you love them. I am there a few times a day searching for something. Last thing I looked for was an image of a poppy. I am considering getting that for tattoo #5.

Fotolog. I have my own flog there but I also check out a bunch of others every day. You could spend hours and days looking there. It seemingly goes on forever.

Later I'll do shopping sites and other things I love. There are more in my little sidebar there, but I feel those are sometimes neglected. Sorry, kids. I love you all equally. I promise.

Is this day over yet? YAWN.

Happy clicking!

Thursday blather

2004-10-07T09:58:00.000-04:00

I posted a very long entry yesterday about my five favorite things and then when I went to post it, it was mysteriously and OH SO TRAGICALLY lost. Gone forever into the Internet void. Where do these posts and lost emails vanish to? I think they are sitting in a pile with lost socks, umbrellas, and those lost keys you can never seem to find.

Last night Pinky and I watched Americas Next Top Model and talked during every commercial break. I think what cracks me up most about that show is the way Tyra acts like modeling will save the world. She got so mad at the one (now eliminated) girl when it became clear she wanted to use modeling as a stepping stone. Unheard of! No, I have NEVER heard of models becoming ANYTHING ELSE, like actresses, or photographers, or, UM, I don't know - WANNA BE SINGERS, have YOU, Tyra?

Whatever.

I left work at 3:30 yesterday. After becoming very bitchy to the Global Crackerhead and then having to deal with scheduling an interview candidate for tomorrow, I can't even remember when the last time I did any of MY work was. But I was so tired and I think I am a bit run down by last week and the stress of things here lately, so I just left. Luckily, my paycheck was waiting for me so then I went and bought new shampoo and nail stuff and two magazines which I flipped through but will probably never read. Anyway, the only thing which got me to work today was the knowledge that I could get a giant latte at Starbucks once I got off the train. And I am nursing that puppy for as long as I can. Dear Vente Vanilla Skim Latte, I love you. Thank you for being there for me. Love, Emily

I think it is fall again now. For real. I have to go through my clothes this weekend and pull out the fall sweaters and ill fitting pants. Hurrah. What is it about pants? I can never find a pair that is cute and I ALWAYS have to hem them. Damn short legs. I curse thee! My project this weekend is to phase out the summer things (wah) and phase in the fall ones. My t-shirt drawer is frightening. I swear I am going to look in there one day and find a criminal hiding out or a small person who is made of cotton. "Oh, Hi. I've just been sitting in here forming myself out of your YMCA staff shirt from fifteen years ago and this Babaloo shirt you got for free in 1997. Don't mind me."

So, perhaps I will go shopping this weekend too. Cute pants are my Holy Grail and I know they are out there somewhere. They are bootcut, they are fabulous, and the legs aren't too long.

I have a dream.

200 things

2004-10-06T11:30:00.000-04:00

Out of these 200 things - I have done 84. I tried to paste it but the formatting gets lost and I am too tired to put it all in again. I will be mysterious and leave you wondering! Check it out and see how many of those random things you have done.

Watch the debate last night? I saw about the first 20 minutes. I can't stand Dick Cheney. He's such a scary monster of a man. I know that is not very diplomatic but he simply freaks me out. I am hoping so much for Kerry/Edwards to win, but I am trying to prepare myself for the worst. I just don't know what will happen.

Here's hoping.

she is a woman with too many dogs

2004-10-05T15:14:00.000-04:00

But she loves them, y'all.

So go read Miss Doxie's new entry. She is so amusing and funny. I think she is my new hero. Oh, and she said she knows my site so HELLO MISS DOXIE IN THE FABULOUS SHOES! You are so funny! You have The Shiny Brightness! Even with dogs who poop on guests!!

I think I have a bit of a girly crush on her. I hope she's not scared.

Judging by her photos, I think Elroy outweighs her dogs, so who is more ashamed than me and my fat fatty cat?

Um, no one.

In other news, Miss Doxie = very damn funny. Read it.

Morrissey and the Saddest Singer Ever

2004-10-05T14:07:00.000-04:00

Morrissey was great, he was lovely, he was fabulous. He sang favorite old songs (THE MORE YOU IGNORE ME, THE CLOSER I GET) favorite new ones (THE WORLD IS FULL OF CRASHING BORES - and, yes, I cried a little. But only a little!) and all time classics (THERE IS A LIGHT AND IT NEVER GOES OUT - then I cried again. Yeah, I'm a baby. What of it?)

His stage was very Rockstar Fabulous and I wouldn't expect less, really. MORRISSEY spelled out in big white letters with red lights all around each letter. My favorite part of the lights was when they lit up and he had a red shirt on and sang HOW SOON IS NOW? Ooo, I just had a movie moment! Perfection and beauty and everything coming together to be so beautiful. I want letters that spell out my name. The lights will be pink. I will put them in the middle of my room and dance around them like a princess. I think there will be scarfs and tutus involved.

The only weird/downer/"whatever" part of the show was the opening act, The Saddest Singer Ever. He stood alone (all alone! He's sad! He's lonely! Let him sing you a song!) on the stage with a guitar and a mike, singing (well, kind of yelling. Loud warbling, really) about crack and smack and Irish depression. Fun! His song GHOSTS OF THE OVERDOSES (for reals, yo) including one line about ghosts of overdoses and "ghosts of tuberculosis". Oh my. Every song had a introduction such as "I like to sing to inspire children because they are the future, and they need encouragement and so do we because when we have encouragement we open up like flowers". Um. Okay. If you say so, Saddest Singer Ever. After the Spooky Overdoser song he made a brief comment about how he would play a happy song before we all hung ourselves from the rafters. Then he took a breath, held up his hand and said, "this is an Irish Claddaugh ring. Hundreds of these were found in the wreckage of the World Trade Center after 9/11..."

Well, that's CHEERY! Thanks for PERKING ME UP! I don't want to hang myself AT ALL NOW! No, I just want to JUMP TO MY DEATH from this here balcony. Thanks, Saddest Singer Ever! Sweet baby Jesus. Then he went right into a song about New York called APPLE OF MY EYE.

What was that noise?

Oh.

That.

That was my TINY HEART BREAKING AT THE SADNESS OF IT ALL.

I am not sure what the opposite of "An Ovary Wails" would be, but I think this guy was it. "A Testicle Sings" doesn't really do it, b/c I get a visual and it involves a little top hat and that is just WRONG. Anyway, he was loud and sad and Irish. I have a feeling he probably got drunk after the show and cried and called his mom. At least he got to listen to Morrissey and feel like he is not alone in the world. Ah, sad boys. You have a voice! Wail it!

This world is full, Oh oh, So full of crashing bores, And I must be one 'Cos no one ever turns to me to say Take me in your arms Take me in your arms and love me
And love me

365 birthdays

2004-10-04T14:10:00.000-04:00

Oh, and meant to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HEATHER!

Her birthday was Saturday and I was gonna call her but then I slept until 11:30 and then I knew she was working at night and then I was gonna call yesterday but it was Sunday, and sometimes people don't like to hear the phone on Sunday and yadda yadda yadda, I missed her birthday. So, Happy 27, Miss Fabulous! I hope it rocks, I am glad you are my neighbor once again.

I should probably say Happy Birthday to everyone right now b/c in the next two months there are like 12 birthdays and I can't keep up. So, Happy Birthday Martin, Mariah, Mike, Danny, Bob, Sarah, Kristin, Jack, John, Big Elaine, Chris, and Ned! Oh, and the birthdays I missed in August and September (Balboni, Susan, Nancy, Brennan) - happy belated from me! I'm a loser! I still love you though!

Having a blog is great. I can cover my ass for all the future and past birthdays of my family and friends EVER and for THE REST OF MY LIFE! I'll never have to buy stamps again! Praise the Lord!

you're not right in the head, and nor am I...

2004-10-04T13:43:00.000-04:00

It's Monday again. They just keep rolling around, don't they?

I had jury duty this morning which generally makes people go "UGH" at the very thought, but it was okay. I got to stop at Starbucks and then go sit in a room and read my book for two hours. I think phasing in my day every morning would be nice. Have two hours to sit still in a room reading a good book and drinking a delicious Vente Latte. Life could be worse.

When the judge explained that we were there for a grand jury (meaning you serve for three months and decide if cases go to trial, etc. You never get to say "GUILTY!" or "INNOCENT!" you only get to say "potentially..." and then they go on to face the "jury of their peers" and all that balhooey) I started to get nervous. Three months! In a courthouse! With no Internet! Ack. I know I just said I don't like admin and I am tired of it and blah blah blah, but I realize I am very lucky. I am able to do all this OTHER stuff on the company dime (shhh) and do it from a comfy office with Morrissey serenading me from my tiny speakers all the while. It's pretty okay. And it is a nice cushion while I try to decide what to do NEXT.

I explained to the judge that I was a contractor and, yes, (thank God) I make more than $50 a day, and she let me go. The bailiff (is a woman called a bailiff too? I think so) said "see you in three years!" as I left the courtroom and took my book and coffee with me, passing the poor folks who weren't as lucky as me. Three months in a little room with strangers, no thanks! I would rather type here and send this out into the void to OTHER strangers. Hey, at least I can't see you. Pick your nose if you want, I don't care!

Tonight, Mug and I go to see Morrissey. I am very excited. I am sure the show will be filled with emo-boys wearing black and looking depressed and let down by life, but Mug and I will fill it with our shiny brightness and our love of music that is good and meaningful. I can't describe how much I LOVE (love LOOOOVE!) you are the quarry - it has been on repeat basically all summer (except for the times I was playing Franz Ferdinand) and I know every breath by heart now. There is a point in The World is Full of Crashing Bores (the moment at 3:18 into the song) where it reaches crescendo and I get goosebumps EVERY TIME. I know if he sings it tonight, I won't be able to NOT cry. Like how I cried both times I heard Liz Phair sing "Perfect World" and Elvis Costello sing "I Want You" and the list goes on and on. What is about music? can't really say and I guess that is the point, I'm not sure I could ever put in words what it means to my life, and I am not sure I want too. It's just perfect the way it is.

"no one I ever knew or have spoken to resembles you,
this is good or bad all depending on my general mood,
why do you think I get away with all the things you say to me?
Could it be I like you?"

love for The Man

2004-10-02T19:28:00.000-04:00

I am totally enamored of Sitemeter (notice that rainbow/Internet pride button down there on the right) which tells me how many people are visiting my site and where they are coming in from. Yeah, HI, I see you! I know what domain you are logging on from and I know how long you are visiting for. I would say "Damn the Man" but in this instance I am all about the Man. The Man and I are in love! We're getting married and going over the falls in a barrel! Wheeeeeeeeeee!

I have been thinking of all the ways I could make money off this page and become famous and wealthy b/c I don't want to do admin work anymore. It gives me to time to write on this here bloggity blog and work on Metblogs and post on my message board, but I also have to deal with that asshole, the Global Crackerhead and do meaningless, menial things all day long. I'm getting bored of it. I hope this Internet snowball will pick me up and carry me down the mountain, to my lovely cabin with a view and hottub where I drink white russians with my Scotish husband, Hamish. So, to that note I added a bunch of buttons down there next to that Internet pride banner and listed myself on a bunch of blog sites, and added Adsense by Google. I am sure I won't make milllions of dollars but you never know. And as Heather said, I know the price of my soul - I sold it to Google!

More Tuesday. Monday I have the glorious fun of jury duty. Yippity do da.

Peace out. XXX.

Something to do...

2004-09-30T15:14:00.000-04:00

Register to vote!

It's important, and it's your one chance to rock that mofo out of his seat of power. Do it for the children. And the animals. And all that is GOOD and PURE in the UNIVERSE!

Thank you.

Mmm. Asteroids.

2004-09-28T15:28:00.000-04:00

Not much happening over the last few days except I think I must be premenstral because I JUST CAN'T STOP EATING!

What did you say? Do you want to come a little closer? Yeah, over here. So I can INHALE YOU! Mmm. You taste like chocolate! RRRROWL!

Last night I got home and made pasta and sauce and broccoli. Then I added cheese and salt and drank two glasses of milk. Then later a frappachino bar (which may have contributed to the fact that I did not fall asleep until after midnight. Mmm. Frappachino! Who needs sleep! When you can have COFFEE!). Then later I ate an ice cream sandwich. Wait. Did I eat two of those? I honestly cannot remember. It's my belief that I may have lapsed into some sort of eating coma. I am like one of those sleep walkers who gets up and eats all the food in the house including that old jar of mustard and three sticks of butter. Although, I am worse b/c I am conscious when I eat it and I only forget LATER. Which is AWESOME. I have problems.

Did you hear that there is a giant asteroid which is going to fly by earth tomorrow? I read that we should be happy it's only brushing by us and we are "very fortunate there won't be an impact, as the asteroid is large enough to cause global devastation". Well, um... okay. I don't like to even hear about the POSSIBILITY of global devastation. And that we should be HAPPY it is only brushing by us. They say they actually don't really KNOW FOR SURE the path it will take but they have a PRETTY GOOD IDEA. Well. Good. I guess. They are saying it is not going to come close to us but that is still FUCKING SCARY. I don't want to think about running for my life from tsunami's and flying asteroids. I just don't. I didn't see that stupid movie this summer with Dennis Quaid about the end of the world. What was it called? Oh yeah, The Day After Everyone Else is Dead and We Have to Run for Our Mother Fucking Lives While You Sit There Eating Popcorn.

Awesome. Anyway. So food = yay. Big rocks flying through space right past us = nay.

I have an idea, - maybe if the rock flies close enough to my HUGE ASS MOUTH and BOTTOMLESS PIT OF A STOMACH, I can INHALE IT and that will SOLVE ALL THE PROBLEMS OF THE UNIVERSE!!

I love when things come together.

2004-09-24T16:00:00.000-04:00

This article is about how Cynthia Nixon is apparently now dating a woman. I think it's fabulous if she is happy and it must be hard to deal with anything in public like that - subject to peoples scrutiny, not to mention posting on their blogs about who you are sleeping with/dating/loving, etc.

I always thought Anne Heche made some wonderful/smart points about being in love with the person and not the WOMAN/MAN thing when she was with Ellen Degeneres. Then she was found in her underwear talking to aliens and her overall credibility seemed somehow shot.

So maybe Cynthia Nixon can give a better/smarter/less batshit crazy voice to just being yourself. I know Miranda would be proud.

The Friday Five

2004-09-24T13:23:00.000-04:00

1) If you came upon a time machine, where would you go? Would you alter anything? Why?

Two things spring to mind. I would like to go to my parents wedding - just to see how cute they were and them as a couple, which I have seen but don't remember. Plus, they were 21 and I wonder what they were like then.

The other is I would like to go back to a time when I was 15 and about to kiss a boy I was madly in love with at the time, but I got so freaked out I literally RAN AWAY. In a way, things haven't really changed that much.

2) If you managed to capture the Questing Beast, an odd combination of animal forms that is said to know the answers to all questions, what one question would you ask it? Would the answer change anything?

I think I would ask it about if I will end up happy. I just want to know that at the end, my life was a good/happy one. And I try to make it that way - so I guess it wouldn't really change anything, I might just try harder.

3) You've found yourself a rather obedient genie in a bottle. Make your three wishes. Why, out of everything you could ask for, do these three win out?

Three wishes: a frillion dollars, a house in Capri, and to die together with everyone I love all at once when we are 150 years old.

4) Someone presents you with a working voodoo doll. Do you use it? On who, why, and to what purpose?

I wouldn't want to hurt anyone. I might make them dance around though (at inappropriate times) cause that would be funny, and therefore, awesome.

5) Pick a superpower, any superpower. What and why? How would this change your life?

I would like to fly. It would be cool, and it would save on travel expenses.

Thoughts for Monday

2004-09-20T14:15:00.000-04:00

The Emmy's were okay last night - although I don't really get why they have to keep the winners speeches down to 30 seconds (or whatever it is. Seriously? A minute? I don't know) so that they can have all this time for COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS skits involving Ray Romano and Gary Shandling holding their dicks in the bathroom. What is this, gay dork porn or something? Jee-bus.

I was kind of excited about the wins of Drea DeMatteo and Mary Louise Parker and Cynthia Nixon. She was always my favorite character on Sex and the City. Her story seemed the most true to me (second is Charlotte looking for the "perfect" man and falling in love with her hairy backed bald lawyer, because HA! isn't that always the way?) and she always made me cry and laugh the most.

I jumped up and down and clapped when James Spader won - which, well, I knew I liked him but who knew it would illicit that reaction? He' s just so amazingly awesome in general (see: Secretary. No, SERIOUSLY, go see it. Right now. I'll wait for you) - and on the Practice he regularly hypnotized me and put me into a trance so deep I would often suddenly realize that I had forgotten to breathe. That's good acting, folks.

I'm also glad about Arrested Development winning best comedy b/c with Frasier and Sex both ending I figured one of them would certainly win, for nostalgia reasons and all that hooey. But Arrested Development is SUCH A GOOD SHOW - and I loved when the creator suggested "so, why don't we watch it?" I hope Fox will get off its ass and stop promoting shite like North Shore and start promoting the one good show it actually has. I mean, I love it, and I am still not sure when it is on.

Anyway, those are my initial thoughts about people I don't know winning things they possibly don't deserve. Just what famous people need - MORE ACCOLADES!

with friends like these...

2004-09-17T13:05:00.000-04:00

Ned's purty site is now live.

Go check out the Invisible Rays now, okay?

I posted some other junk about my fabulous hangover and my bad love of vodka but somehow it got lost in translation. It is just that kind of day. But sadly, a day unlike the movie. And without Bill Murray. How cool would it be if he showed up at my job out of the blue? That would be awesome. Maybe he would sing me some Elvis Costello songs or something...

stupid brain

2004-09-15T15:54:00.000-04:00

My head hurts.

Yesterday I took a Mental Health Day b/c on my Monday the Global Crackerhead almost had me in tears. Again. Still. Whatever.

Today he was right back in his favorite place (see: all up in my grill) again giong on about his 50 page manuscript which I am typing out from his handwritten notes. In pencil. *Sob* When I left Monday night it was 22 pages. Now it is 51. It's like a freakin mold up in here.

Lately I am having insomnia again. I went through this for a few months about a year ago with job stress, and other things. When I am laying there awake in the dark, something about my crazy brain goes straight to DEATH and it is impossible for me to stop thinking about it. What happens to us? Why does it end? Why do we have to die? When will the world end? How? Where do we go? That is the big one. WHERE, OH WHERE, DO WE GO?? I know it is pointless to WORRY about it b/c it is going to happen regardless (insert "AHHH!" here) and I shoudl enjoy the time I have while I am here. Yadda yadda yadda. I am damn happy to be here. I am a lucky girl with lovely people in my life and so many blessings, its crazy, but I still can't help thinking about it. Here I am, typing on my blog, sending it out into the void. Working at this job which is fine and good. Talking on my cousin via IM. Listening to JEM. I will go home and pet my cat and talk on the phone and eat some cheese. It's all lovely. But what happens to us? Someday we will all be gone, and for whatever reason, that totally freaks me out and scares me (ironically) to death.

Maybe that is why my head hurts. My poor brain is like "SHUT UP! Stop thinking about it. What? DEATH! Stop thinking about it! Now. No, NOW!"

Ow.

Stupid brain.

PS. I finally saw Garden State. It was very cute and charming and lovely. I laughed. I cried. Zach Braff is a smarty.

zzzzzzzz...

2004-09-10T11:23:00.000-04:00

Last night I had a dream that I was in a big room with a bunch of people I knew. Actually, it wasn't a room so much as an open space. Maybe it was like a camp or a field or something? I had a stereo and the speakers were all broken. The wires were exposed and everything was falling apart. I was trying to put it back together when I realized it was all chewed up and Elroy had done it. My cat chewed my speaker wires. Damn.

The Empty Box was there. He was talking about his wife and their pool. Or something. I can't remember. But what was he doing there? He does not belong in my subconscious! Out, damned spot! Out!

I think Mug was there too. And Mereubu and Rampant Bob showed up. Mereubu was teeny like a small Asian woman. She gave me a bitchy hello and wouldn't hug me. I said "it's because you are a Virgo". What? I am crazy in my subconscious.

Suddenly my dream morphed into my hanging out with the cast of Friends. I was in a hottub with Jennifer Aniston and Lisa Kudrow. It wasn't sexy though. It was a GIANT hottub. Lots of people were there too. Some greasy old man was trying to get up in Jen's grille. I told him "step off, yo." I am protective of Jennifer. I know how jealous Brad can get. Or something. We talked about our jobs and what they are doing now. How they miss their day to day routine.

Finally I was in a room with Matt LeBlanc and I think Jennifer Aniston was there too. He was tired from doing new episodes of Joey. He was doing situps. He picked me up to crack my back and he was telling us about how his baby had died, but it was in the third person and he wasn't really sad about it. Somehow it all led back to the speaker wires and Elroy.

I don't know. I am crazy. It's obvious. And my subconscious is a weird wild place.

I need a nap.

three years ago

2004-09-09T11:49:00.000-04:00

Three years ago today I was at the JP World's Fair. It was a hot, sunny day and I remember so many things about it.

Annie and Lucie were almost 2 then, running around in their sun hats and white Platoosa tank tops. I was sitting on the curb, listening to music, watching them go back and forth showing each other leaves and sticks and dogs. Annie decided she wanted to have her lips smooshed together all day and walked around looking like a little prune.

I have pictures of Lucie taking Delaine's sunglasses off over and over again, and cracking up every time. Redundancy is very funny when you are almost two years old. I have a photo in my cube above the computer I am writing this on of me and Lucie hugging fiercely on that day. We are a mass of hair, and chubb, and smiles.

At one point, back on the curb, Ned appeared and he and I walked through the mass of people, and kids, and dogs to hear Lovewhip playing. Past one of those crazy jumping things where kids go in with out shoes and jump until they feel sick, and vendors selling cotton candy and giant pretzels.

Babaloo played and I sat with Heather and Jennifer and ate lemon ices. Afterwards we all went to the Behan, and Bob showed up to tell me about Sarah moving to Somerville and the dramas of unpacking.

For dinner, Alex and John had a barbecue with Martine and all the kids. We all drew on the driveway and garage with chalk. I wrote my name. Bob drew a drum kit. Alex showed us pictures of her with Elvis Costello.

It was a hot end of summer day. It was fun. It was lovely.

Two days later, I got up and watched a plane crash into a building live on TV. And everything changed.

Now I can't think of 9/11/01 without thinking about 9/9/01. A happy day, full of people I love. Just a peaceful sunny day.

In another world.

yoo hoooo

2004-09-08T11:09:00.000-04:00

this is a test. Of the free blogger system.

You will know it is a test b/c you will see my page in new and purty colors. If you don't see me, well, then it doesn't matter anyway.

getting my yayas out

2004-09-07T16:57:00.000-04:00

Just spent a good 20 minutes procrastinating and reading the web site for the new season of America’s Next Top Model which premieres Septmber 22nd. Oh, happy day!

Anyway, there are bios of each “model”. Here are my thoughts.

Eva. Her favorite movie is Crooklyn.

What? What does that even mean? Oh, and her favorite magazine is Jungle.

Huh?

Jennipher. Um. Please. Learn how to spell your name. Just cause you spell it with a crazy bizarre P (which….well. No. Just NO) it doesn’t mean you are different and/or interesting. It’s only a P. I doesn’t stand for (or substitute for) “personality”.

Julie. Her favorite movies are Spaceballs, The Three Amigos and Someone Like You. The Three Amigos is funny, but Your Favorite Movie? Oy. And I think she is the only person to even have SEEN Someone Like You. That’s the one with Greg Kinnar, right? Anyone? Spaceballs? Not. Even. Going. There. Also, in the thumbnail she is wearing what appears to be a curtain or a bedspread knotted on her head. I think it is suppose to say “Ethnic”. Instead it says “This Is Not a Hat”.

Kristi’s favorite food is yellow cake with chocolate frosting. Does it even matter what color it is when you see it in reverse? Also, her OTHER says she wore an American flag dress to her prom. Oh. My.

Nicoles occupation is “former punk rocker”. Well….ummm…what?

Yaya. Her name is YAYA. She’s probably already heard every joke about “getting them out” etc.

Can’t wait for the 22nd! Bring the drama.

and I don't wanna die...I just wanna ride on my motor-cye-cle

2004-09-07T09:25:00.000-04:00

Can someone explain these stupid mini-motorcycles to me?

What is the point? Are they suppposed to look anything other than COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS?!? Walking to get coffee the other day and this doofus on his retarded tiny bike almost ran over my ankles as I crossed the street. Then, as he pulled away he popped some truly pathetic (and hysterical) wheelies. Um, okay. Am I supposed to be impressed? Cause, really, it just makes me want to laugh.

Does it mean something like, I am so comfortable with my manliness that I can ride this TEENY bike and not be intimidated and embarrassed?

I guess, because they are so stupid, that also makes them kind of awesome. But still, I just don't understand.

it is decidedly so

2004-09-03T14:29:00.000-04:00

When I asked the Magic 8 Ball if I should do something I am kind of wavering about, that is the answer I got.

Then I asked three more times (as is my way) and got
Most Likely
My reply is No
and
Outlook Not So Good

Hmm.

Then, one last time for good measure I got "It is Decidedly So" again.

8 Ball, you're such a know it all.

what the foo?

2004-09-03T14:23:00.000-04:00

Riddle me this - is the title you are looking at (the "buy me diamonds" up there) gray or pink? It is supposed to be PINK. Always PINK, dammit!

Sometimes when I look at my (very minimal. Hurumph) comments, it appears to be gray. What is UP with that??

I didn't know "democrat" was a swear

2004-09-03T09:11:00.000-04:00

This is the warning lovely Dean got when he tried to visit this page from work -

InfoThe web content filter web traffic on the Local Area Network. The filter engine uses a variety of methods including phrase matching, URL filtering and black/white lists.

http://buymediamonds.blogspot.com/

WarningWeighted phrase limit of 300 -- page score: 466 -

(xxx, ale)~

(xxx, beer)

+ (animal, fuck, chicken)

+ (animal, fuck, horse)

+ (erotic, fuck)

+ (erotic, xxx)

+ ( fist, fuck)

+ ( fist, xxx)

+ (fuck, horny)

+ (fuck, xxx)

+ (orgasm, fuck)

+ (whore, fuck)

+ ( xxx, fuck)

+ ( xxx, horny)

+ ( xxx, sex )

+ ( xxx, suck)

+ fuck~ science+ beer

~ e- card+ girl ~

imdb~

democrat

+ orgasm+ whore

+ horny~ definition

+ sex + homo

+ homoerotic

+ erotic+

shit ~

teach+

bet + foto

I have never advocated sex with a chicken! But, hey, to each their own...

Today I am obsessed with...

2004-09-02T15:44:00.000-04:00

1. The fact that a man in front of me at the food truck line had a piece of what appeared to be pretzel stuck on his pants. It was really clinging on for dear life, and I wanted to tell him but I didn't because, more than that, I wanted to laugh at him.

2. What appears to be a Daily Headache I get brought on by Global Crackerhead/Captain Obvious/Crazy McNutbucket. Ow.

3. the Talking Heads song AND SHE WAS

4. Finding The Perfect Pair of Pants. Where are they? They are so fabulous. They just fit on my hips so cute. And they are just long enough that I look not so short but more "actual size" as my dad would say.

5. Trailer Trash nailpolish by Hard Candy. It's so pretty! Especially at the beach. In the sand. So, I should always be at the beach with my toes in the sand, dontcha think?

6. Margaret Cho

7. Big Brother. The dumbest show ever. Really. But so trashy! So fun! It's on tonight and I am kind of excited. Because I am a dork. And also, kind of a loser.

8. That one awesome part of Lipstick Vogue by Elvis Costello. You know which one.

9. The upcoming THREE DAY WEEKEND. I don't know when the last time was I was so excited about three days off. And I won't let you spoil my fun, so don't even try.

10. My new G-Mail account. Did you get the address? I sent it to you. And if I didn't, well, that means I don't love you and I am sorry. It's not you. It's me.

This baby does not deserve this

2004-09-02T09:29:00.000-04:00

The caption to this photo should read;

"Who is the fuck is this doofus and why is he holding me like a potato?"

email me!

2004-09-01T15:15:00.000-04:00

See that envelope down there? See it??

You can click on that and email a specific post to people. And since I just wrote about a bunch of yous, I know you may like to do that because you are vain and greedy and selfish and that is why you are my friend.

XXX.

2004-09-01T14:58:00.000-04:00

Ned

Ned is like the male version of me. I don’t know if he likes me saying that, but sometimes it feels so true, it bops me on the head.

Ned likes to be alone. He likes to hear music, and watch DVD’s and “cry softly into his pillow”. Ned is sardonic and caustic and fun. He has a special ring on my cell phone – his ring is drums.

Ned and I watch bad movies, and bad TV, and laugh.

Ned gets depressed and isolates himself. I worry about him. Sometimes he vanishes for awhile, but he always comes back.

Ned knows “the lucky ones are dead” will crack me up. Ned thanked me in his liner notes. He makes me feel all famous.

He’ll do the creepy voice from that movie that freaks me out. He knows which one. It makes me laugh and he won’t stop doing it.

Ned is there when I need him. He always comes to my birthday parties. He’s always the last to leave. He’ll help me clean up, if I want.

2004-09-01T12:09:00.000-04:00

Sarah

Sarah rocks my world.

She’s a brilliant person, a beautiful girl, a music lover, a wife and a mommy. Not necessarily in that order. All things are equal with Sarah.

She is a Virgo, she's a silly woman. She always has the Right On observation. She is smart, smart, smart.

Sarah has the best insults. She invented Motard, and Fucktard, and others about our President Lunkhead which are sadly escaping me now.

Sarah loves her sister. She misses her a lot. Sarah needs more grown up friends. Sarah calls cute boys “cup cakes”. Sarah gave Frank Black a book and talked to him for awhile. He was short, y’all.

Sarah has Rampant Bob. He’s a Graduation Chicken. You should see the video, cause it is classic. They are perfectly matched and that makes me happy.

They made Zelda. She’s their Science Girl. She loves dinosaurs and movies and making art. She is famous for “the herd is sleeping uneasy. Without their dominant female, they will not survive”, among other things.

Sarah sends me presents. Music that I need. Cards that include dirty pictures found in nature. She writes “how could they not KNOW?” and sends Elroy her love.

Sarah is one of my best friends, and I have never been in the same room as her.

Today is Sarah’s birthday. I wish so much that I was there with her to have a beer and watch Stuart Saves His Family! But I am there in spirit, bowing down at her feet.

Sarah is worthy of that, and so much more.

Andy

Andy has always lived in Edinburgh. I found him on the Frank Black board, or did he find me? He sent me a e-card of Billy Bragg, two years ago. I talk to him every day.

Andy is a dad. Andy has three kids! Andy finally has his boy. He’s a “mean teaser”, and his girls tease back. He loves it.

He loves music. He loves Frank Black. He talked to McDave in his silly flat cap. He embarrassed himself at a Chuck Prophet show. It’s a good story.

Andy tells good stories.

Andy is smart. He may suffer from Bell’s Palsy. His emails are the highlight of my day.

Andy has a funny wife. She won me over telling me she would spit a drink in my face. You may have had to be there. I said I liked “angry humor”. She said “that’s why you like Andy!”

Andy is generous. He sends me emails when I am blue. I visited him for four days and never once paid for a thing. His daughter called me “Amalie” and wanted to know my “short name”. Andy asked her not to poke me in the face.

Andy gets annoyed. Andy is tired. Andy is hysterical.

I feel lucky to have met him. Sometimes things work out just the way they should.

Andy is my friend.

2004-09-01T11:46:00.000-04:00

Alex

Alex puts things in perspective. She’s the one I call in the worst moments. She’s smart, and clever. She makes me feel better.

Alex is a mom. She made an awesome brilliant person who is all the best parts of her – in a smaller package.

Alex loves music. And beer. And silly movies. We can watch TV for hours together and never be bored. We can lay around and do nothing and have the best time.

Alex is a spaz. She’s a crack up. She sarcastic and prickly and awesome.

I’ve known Alex since I was 10 or 11 years old. I thought she was a fun grown up. Now I know she’s an amazing friend.

Alex thinks I’m smart. And a good writer. She doesn’t understand what is wrong with that boy. She once almost ran him over, to make me laugh. She cornered him in a bar and told him I was great. Alex goes out on a limb.

Alex needs someone awesome. Alex is busy. She’s tired. She’s happy.

Alex is getting the life she deserves.

2004-09-01T11:24:00.000-04:00

Pinky

I thought she was a snob.

She never said a word to me until Halloween. She was dressed as a Powerpuff girl. She made the costumes. She was so cute. So pretty. So talented. She was like the fabulous girl in the window who you look at, but you aren’t friends with. She’s too amazing and elusive for you – she doesn’t need more friends.

The Procrastination Chair forged our friendship. I would sit at her cube and play with her Barbie doll collection. Please don’t get her anymore Barbies, she doesn’t need them.

She talked about her “ex” a lot. I thought she meant an old boyfriend. One day, I somehow realized “X” was her husband. She was married! She had a husband! It was shocking and amazing. I wanted to know everything about her.

She told the story about the woods and the whipcream. The woman on the horse. I laughed so hard, I cried.

Pinky is “pinky” b/c she wore a pink fleece. She liked Barbie. I got her a Barbie calendar and that was it. She loved me too.

Pinky moved to New York. Pinky loves chocolate, and her kitty, and the spaceship noise. She cracks me up. She listens to me cry. She believes me when I say he might be The One. She wants to "krush him with the kar". Pinky will do anything for her family. Sometimes they don't appreciate everything she does. They should throw parades in her honor! But she knows, that's just how it is.

Pinky is a princess.

Pinky found her match. Pinky knows what she wants. She gives me hope.

beginning to end

2004-09-01T11:09:00.000-04:00

Go read Sarah's beginning to end entries. They are so nice.

I am working on my own rip off of her idea now...

another one bites the dust

2004-08-31T16:28:00.000-04:00

I used to think Stephen Baldwin was kind of cool (he was in Usual Suspects and he was kinda hot. Something about a guy in a black tight sweater) but then appeared on The Mole as a sexist pig who was funny but also kind of an asshole. Now there is this (from IMDB) :

Actor Stephen Baldwin is throwing his support behind President Bush in the forthcoming Presidential election - because his country's leader is "being led by God". The former liberal and now born-again Christian is attending the Republican National Convention in New York to cheer on the current premier, who he deems has more faith than Democrat Presidential candidate John Kerry. Baldwin tells gossip site Pagesix.Com, "I'm there to support the man I believe has the most faith. That's who I'm voting for. I believe the next president should be a guy who is being led by God. I believe there is one guy, and that's the guy I want to vote for." As for any disharmony between him and his Democratic-supporting siblings Alec and William, Baldwin comments, "I don't have a perception about that."

Good-bye, Stephen. Go with God.

comments are the new drug

2004-08-31T11:51:00.000-04:00

I know lots of you are reading (cause you've told me so) - so post me some comments, fools!

Comments are the new crack and I need some crack!

Okay, I just scared myself a bit...

what's slang to me and Mug

2004-08-31T10:42:00.000-04:00

Miss Mug's defintions:

Cheetos: Sex, sexual satisfaction. Mmm, yummy. Come on, you know you want some! As in, "If I don't get some Cheetos soon I'm pretty sure I will perish," or "I was in this stupid meeting and that cute guy was making a presentation, and I was all trying to pay attention and takes notes and stuff, but all I could think was mmmm...Cheetos."

Stuff: Tender bodily region. That whole area, you know, down there. Used for men or women, cause, well, it's complicated, no? Examples: "Ugh. My stuff hurts. And not for the right reason." Or, "Jesus, I just wanted to kick him right in the stuff."

And a third one I couldn't even try to explain (but which comes from Mug's metaphor for The Motard):

Furla with a pen mark: Devastatingly desirable love interest who is tragically and irrevocably fucked up. Comes from the horrible experience of finding an orgasmically amazing Furla purse at Filene's basement that happens to have a big fat ballpoint pen mark across it. You look and you look just hoping the penmark will not be there, cause it's the only purse of its kind in the bin, and it's beautiful, but still, it's ruined, and why should you have to get something that is ruined? The Furla-with-a-penmark love interest is just like that-- you want and want that big horrible flaw to not matter, but it just keeps on mattering. You wish it didn't, oh how you wish, but it does, no matter how much you look, or how much you think about it.

what's slang to you...

2004-08-30T16:10:00.000-04:00

Pamie once put up an entry on all the slang she used in her life.

I have been meaning to do the same for awhile. Here is my first crack at it - I know there are VERY IMPORTANT THINGS I am forgotting. Which I will remedy as soon as my brain decides to cooperate -

Here are the first ones which came to mind -

Buy me diamonds – the name of this blog comes from a conversation Pinky and I had probably two years ago. I can’t even remember how it started, but it involved some kind of gift her husband had bought (or was buying her) and how we are princesses and deserve diamonds. It became something like “we know they are expensive and unreasonable but we don’t care. Buy me diamonds!” and a legend was born.

Cheesewhore – what I am. A whore for cheese. Now four year old Lucie will describe herself as a “cheesewhore!” to any and all who will listen. Possibly inappropriate. Definitely funny.

Chee-tos – the easiest way to describe this is “horny”. Miss Mug is going to write a proper definition for this and I will add it ASAP.

Cool with a K! – This initially came from the Television Without Pity recaps of 24 starring Kiefer. by Gustave. All things belonging to Kiefer would somehow incorporate the K. Kiefer kopter, Kiefer kapture, etc. This all kame to a head when Pinky spotted Kiefer in New York and yelled out “Kiefer, we think you’re cool with a K!” Of kourse, since then, it has pretty much been retired. You kan’t get much better than that!

Crapper – born from the Henhouse. Mereubu knows a kid who used to crap on the floor (charming!) and I one day referred to him as “The Crapper”. It is now a swear (“crapper!”) and also a base for other fabulous words like craptastic and craptacular.

Crying by candlelight – this was invented about Mug’s tragic relationship with He Who Shall Be Unnamed. It was all very Sense and Sensibility, dramatic in darkness and tears by candelight. That’s all there is to it.

DJ Ortho – my fabulous funny cousin (Hi, dude!). She broke a bone in her foot. On her boot there was a reflective sticker which said “DJ Ortho”. That is now her name.

Doll parts – Another born from Pinky and I. She once explained to me at length how she couldn’t wear her hair down b/c she has large parts like “doll parts” in her hair and it was horrible and blah blah blah. Of course, this is imperceptible to anyone else, so it turned into, “that thing you hate about yourself? Doll parts!”

Exciting kick – this comes from Say Anything. I used to use it as a way to say “cool” but I hardly ever do that anymore. Sometimes I still think it though. I am weird that way.

Everyday brain – this is a new one. It may or may not catch on. I was describing something to Mug and said it was “not in my everyday brain” meaning I didn’t think about it on a regular basis. I liked it. I may put it out there as the new cool catch phrase. Or possibly my new band name.

(the) Henhouse – was initially a thread that I (as “ramona”) started on the Frank Black board. At first it was called “Besides Frank” and then it evolved into a topic some 100 pages long about sex and boys and families and fun. I met two of my best friends in the universe there (Mereubu and Ten Percenter) and now we have our own Yahoo group by the same name.

HoYay – another from TWoP. Means “homoeroticism yay!”

Manson lamps – Crazy eyes. From the Sopranos. Funny cause it’s true.

Mereubu - my awesome friend, Sarah. She lives in Arkansas. I wish she lived closer. She has an awesome husband, named Bob and a kid who rocks named Zelda. I heart her.

Pinky - my lovely friend, Jennifer. She doesn't like the name Jennifer. She does like Pink. I started calling her "Pinky" to find our own happy medium.

Starbucks Straw - sometimes at Starbucks you get a medium drink and a straw that is meant for a large drink and it more than you need. This can also be used to describe boys, um, stuff.

Stuff – this is your private area. Your boy parts, or girl parts. Another one Mug will write a definition of. In a sentance it could be "my stuff hurts", good for girls especially b/c it describes the ENTIRE AREA and not just one particular part.

Tallulah – another nickname for me. Comes from the childrens Maisey books. Tallulah is Maisey’s friend who just shows up at convenient or awkward times. Mug's son has a book, we decided I am that chicken.

Ten Percenter - Andy in Edinburgh. He cracks me up on a daily basis (in which I shove my fist in my mouth to not lose my shit at my computer screen). He lives in Scotland with his wife, V, and their three kids. I miss him.

Typical boy – he does something that is so STRANGE and CONFUSING. It’s just typical. Typical boy. This is also my yet to be invented all girls band name.

Mug - my very good friend, selfmademug. Name comes from an Elvis Costello song quote which goes (in part) "a self made mug is hard to break". Once I gave her a necklace with this inscribed on it. I think she liked it.

Signs point to Yes

2004-08-30T10:58:00.000-04:00

Playing with the Magic 8 Ball.

Warning: Could be very addictive and prevent getting any work done.

2004-08-24T13:51:00.000-04:00

Write an email to yourself, in the future.

Cool and spooky. I bet I would write it and then forget so in a year (or two) when I got it, I would be really freaked out. Which would be awesome.

I honestly don't know what to say to myself. So, I think I will save the idea for later.

It's still cool though...

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall

2004-08-23T15:57:00.000-04:00

Something about my mirror at home is messing with my life.

When I walk into the bathroom in the morning, it goes like this:

Mirror: Hello! You look sleepy! But pretty! You're pretty! I like your hair! Even when you have bed head, it's still very nice. NICE!
Me: Thanks. I will wet it and then style it too.
Mirror: That will be lovely! And beautiful! I like when you style your hair STRAIGHT! Do it, straight!
Me: Okay, I will.
Mirror: Great!

15 minutes later, I have dried my hair and I have a curly freakout on the side, but otherwise, I am on my way.

Mirror: Put on some concelear! You have a PIMPLE!
Me: I know. I see it.
Mirror: Okay. It's right THERE! By your NOSE!
Me: I know.
Mirror: ....
Me: Okay?
Mirror: LOVELY! I never would know you ever had a pimple! Wear the Clinque lipstick! The brown one!
Me: Okay. Calm down.
Mirror: Oh-KAY!

Finally, I decide I am done and take one last look.

Mirror: You look BEAOOOOTIFUL. It will be a great day! See you later! Bye!
Me: Bye. Thanks.
Mirror: Bye! Have a great day! Be beautiful!
Me: Okay. Bye.
Mirror: Byeeee!
Me: Bye. Stay here. I'll see you later. Don't follow me.
Mirror: Bye, Beautiful!!

Then I get my iced coffee and I get on the train. I look in the train window and I hear
Subway Window: What are you wearing?
Me: Um, just this shirt. It's from the Gap.
Subway: Why did you wear that shit...I mean SHIRT?
Me: I don't know. I thought it was okay.
Subway: Er. Alrighty. Whatever you say.
Me: Well....?
Subway: I've seen you look better. [pause] And what is happening with your hair?

At work the bathroom mirror must also get in on the action:

Work Mirror: Hi.
Me: Hi?
WM: That lipstick is no good in here.
Me: Eh...
WM: Did you listen to that other mirror again? She's such a suckup.
Me: Well, in that lighting...
WM: It's not the lighting.
Me: Okay.... I'm going to go in the stall now.
WM: Alright. [judgemental pause] Change your shirt while you are in there.

When I get home it is always the same

Mirror: You look tired!
Me: Yep.
Mirror: Wash your face and you'll feel! Better!
Me: ...
Mirror: Are you OKAY!?!
Me: Just some people told me they didn't like my shirt.
Mirror: It's a BEAUTIFUL SHIRT!
Me: ... and my lipstick
Mirror: OH NO.
Me: I know.
Mirror: But you are BEAUTIFUL!
Me: You keep saying that.
Mirror: Really! Don't beat yourself up!
Me: Um. Thanks. I guess.
Mirror: Yay!
Me: Okay. I'll see you later.
Mirror: Not if I see you first!
Me: Yeah,...good one. Bye.
Mirror: Byeeeeeeee!

Immaculate Saint of the Car Crash

2004-08-20T15:08:00.000-04:00

This week has been very long and hard, even though it was only a four day week, and this was only perpetuated when I typed three paragraphs of this entry an hour ago only to hit some mysterious SHIFT/F7 type combo and lost everything I had written (and have you ever noticed that when you write something in Internet Explorer and lose it, it is very hard to get it back? None of those things in EDIT up there really do anything. Fuckers). I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. And pissed off too. Don't forget Pissed Off.

A few shitty things (literally re. the poop entry) happened this week, including what I wrote about already, coming to back to hear that the Crazy Boss, otherwise known as Global Crackerhead otherwise known as That Asshole telling people I suck (and as an aside, he is currently screwing himself by telling people outside the company that he is a "Global Head" and he is not. He is an "Executive Director" and while it doesn't matter to anyone REALLY, it matters to the company, and I kinda hope he gets caught, but I digress) but I have sort of let that slide off my back, (I'm goosedown, baby) and gotten onto other matters. My real boss is very nice and kind and has never gotten mad or raised his voice and always treats me like I am on his side and not like an Employee Who Must Do Everything He Says. This week he even bought me a special stapler - with Gun Power! He was very excited about it. It sounds lame, but as an admin, I was kinda excited by it - I gotta say.

ANYWAY, the worst thing that happened this week was that my little mommy had a coughing fit and lost control of her car. The car started to swerve and she attempted to correct and spun around a few times, ran off the road and hit a tree. The airbags deployed, and she was momentarily stuck in the car, but she was not hurt and got out and stood there looking at her now totaled Honda. A kindly stranger (the best kind) came over while she totally lost her shit (understandably so) and consoled her while she cried. "It's okay," he said, "you can always get a new car." And between sobs she said "that is what my dad used to say!" Of course, her dad passed away suddenly when she was 21 and so this got her crying even more. He laughed. She said later, that is what her dad would have done. Once the ambulance and police cars and firetruck came (my mom deserves no less!) - he vanished. We have decided he was The Angel of the Car Crash.

Of course, my mom being a nurse she refused treatment. Because she is "fine!" No she "doesn't need to go to the hospital!" She is taking herself and her asthma home and having another cigarette, god damn it! Oy.

It is an understatement to say I am glad she is okay. I cannot even deal with THINKING about her not being here, and in the last year she lost her mom (and in the last three years my other gramma also passed away) and I try to put myself in her shoes and think about what will happen when she inevitably dies and I just lose my breath and can't even get a moment away from the thought without tearing up. I am an only child and while I have cousins and aunts and uncles and friends (thank god for them) - my parents are my family and the day one of them leaves this planet, I know a big huge piece of me will leave too. I am so thankful for my closeness with them both, and I KNOW how lucky I am to have two healthy/sane/cool (sometimes. Don't tell them I said so) parents. They just better stick around a Good Long Time to see MY kids (yikes) and become weird old people (or weirder old people) who watch the Weather Channel and Home Shopping and know too much about coupons and wear rain bonnets and house slippers and buy things in bulk.

I might even help them carry it home.

Sunsets and poop - a vacation story.

2004-08-17T19:04:00.000-04:00

I'm back. Commence your joy.

Vacation was fun - it was campfires and shooting stars; long rides on the pontoon boat with a drink in my hand; the smells of Coppertone and Ban de Soliel; jokes at my mom's expense; pretty sunsets and rainbows (three of them!); floating in a tub reading my awesome book, etcetera. It was relaxing and low-key and very "vacation"y. Lay around, eat, drink, laugh = good times.

After 10 days in a small one bedroom house with various relatives, I am glad to be back. And I came back to the news that Global Crackerhead of My Ass waited until I was gone to express that he didn't not think we mesh well, and complained to my coworker about me. Of course, he went about it all cockeyed and now he looks like an idiot while everyone else here, including my manager, tell me how wonderful I am. Why must there always be a squeaky wheel? It just never fails.

Also, I came back to a lovely present from Elroy. A very neat and stinky poop right on the middle of my pretty pink bedspread. How do cats know how to do that? Of all the places in my apartment he could have pooped he chose the MIDDLE OF MY BED, as if to say; "How dare you leave me? I will poop where you sleep, lady! And you will ROO THE DAY when you went on vacation and left me here alone! To POOP! On! Your! Bed!" Ick. And also, Dear Makers of Shout Stain Stick, Thank You for being awesome and getting poop off my pretty pink bed spread. Will you marry me? Love, Emily.

Tonight Ned plays at the Midway, I hope it is fun. What will I wear? I am tired, I need a disco nap (tm My Dad) and I also have a Vacation Cold, I hope I don't sneeze on everyone and phlegm the place up. Because that? Would be gross.

Peace out.

Yeah, he's the Boss.

2004-08-05T13:56:00.000-04:00

From the NY Times today -

"A nation's artists and musicians have a particular place in its social and political life. Over the years I've tried to think long and hard about what it means to be American: about the distinctive identity and position we have in the world, and how that position is best carried. I've tried to write songs that speak to our pride and criticize our failures.

These questions are at the heart of this election: who we are, what we stand for, why we fight. Personally, for the last 25 years I have always stayed one step away from partisan politics. Instead, I have been partisan about a set of ideals: economic justice, civil rights, a humane foreign policy, freedom and a decent life for all of our citizens. This year, however, for many of us the stakes have risen too high to sit this election out.

Through my work, I've always tried to ask hard questions. Why is it that the wealthiest nation in the world finds it so hard to keep its promise and faith with its weakest citizens? Why do we continue to find it so difficult to see beyond the veil of race? How do we conduct ourselves during difficult times without killing the things we hold dear? Why does the fulfillment of our promise as a people always seem to be just within grasp yet forever out of reach?

I don't think John Kerry and John Edwards have all the answers. I do believe they are sincerely interested in asking the right questions and working their way toward honest solutions. They understand that we need an administration that places a priority on fairness, curiosity, openness, humility, concern for all America's citizens, courage and faith.

People have different notions of these values, and they live them out in different ways. I've tried to sing about some of them in my songs. But I have my own ideas about what they mean, too. That is why I plan to join with many fellow artists, including the Dave Matthews Band, Pearl Jam, R.E.M., the Dixie Chicks, Jurassic 5, James Taylor and Jackson Browne, in touring the country this October. We will be performing under the umbrella of a new group called Vote for Change. Our goal is to change the direction of the government and change the current administration come November.

Like many others, in the aftermath of 9/11, I felt the country's unity. I don't remember anything quite like it. I supported the decision to enter Afghanistan and I hoped that the seriousness of the times would bring forth strength, humility and wisdom in our leaders. Instead, we dived headlong into an unnecessary war in Iraq, offering up the lives of our young men and women under circumstances that are now discredited. We ran record deficits, while simultaneously cutting and squeezing services like afterschool programs. We granted tax cuts to the richest 1 percent (corporate bigwigs, well-to-do guitar players), increasing the division of wealth that threatens to destroy our social contract with one another and render mute the promise of "one nation indivisible."

It is through the truthful exercising of the best of human qualities - respect for others, honesty about ourselves, faith in our ideals - that we come to life in God's eyes. It is how our soul, as a nation and as individuals, is revealed. Our American government has strayed too far from American values. It is time to move forward. The country we carry in our hearts is waiting."

Chords for Change By BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN Published: August 5, 2004

crazy hazy days

2004-08-04T12:28:00.000-04:00

Of you know... summer.

I am gettng ready to go on vacation in a day and a half. Today Crazy Boss (otherwise known as "Global Crackerhead of My Ass"/GCMA for short) told me he was "buried" and could I please order him references in the next few days. A) he knows this is something EVERY OTHER PERSON in the company does FOR THEMSELVES. B) he knows I am leaving in a DAY AND A HALF. I also support 7 other people. Get in line, Dr. Crackerhead. He has no clue. I told him mulitiple times I would not be able to get to it, especially if he wanted me to make files for the 20 folders he also says are "urgent". I have some 12 hours left here and I am posting on my blog. He doesn't scare me! I fear no one! Except God, and Jessica Simpson. What is up with her cleft chin? Is she a man in drag? Hmm.

I am very much enjoying the promo to this movie lately. It's so lovely. I hope the film measures up. And while I am at it, Scrubs is the most underrated show on TV. I know you know that. Mr. Braff has his very own blog too. Groovy.

Hopefully I'll be back posting again before I leave at The Crack on Friday AM. My mom is here now - already being her lovely self with silly stories, misplaced directions, and coughing fits. If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

If I don't get back before I leave, then I am gone until August 16th. Enjoy the heat. Drink water, enjoy iced coffee, have some margaritas. Think of me laying on a dock by a hot lake, blaring some Franz Ferdinand...

XXX.

once in a blue moon

2004-07-31T12:21:00.000-04:00

Nothing specific to say today, except I slept until 11:30 for the second Saturday in a row. That seems to be the day I am able to get the most sleep for whatever reason. And there was that strecth in late June early July when I got up early every Saturday. First it was the long trip to IKEA, then the trip to Maine for the 4th, and there was something else which I am apprently blocking out.

I woke up to the online news that Nicolas Cage married his 19 year old waitress girlfriend. Well, good for him! What 40 year old doesn't want to marry someone who is 19? Like they say in BEAUTIFUL GIRLS, as long as they can cut their own meat, they're fair game.

Hey, do you remember when Nic Cage was cool? Before he started wearing the crazy leather jackets and dying his hair that truly hideous black? You're not fooling us, Nic, we know you have thin gray hair! I think he was in a movie I might have even liked once. Face Off? Um, no. That one on the airplane full of criminals? Eh, that wasn't it. Well... I'll keep thinking about it.

Tonight is a blue moon. The second full moon in a month, it's rare. Second full moon of my birthday month. I will never see July 2004 again. As of that blue moon, it's done. It's so strange how time is so final. Man, what a stoner kind of thought, huh?

Think I will go see these girls and their brother today. Next week I leave on vacation for 10 days and when I come back August will be half over. Where does it all go? Guess we just have to hang on, and enjoy the ride.

Whooosh!

No place like home

2004-07-30T14:15:00.000-04:00

Pamie mentioned today that she has moved something like 25 times, and I wondered how many places I have lived and if I could list them all. Which means another list! Contain your joy.

The Small White House in East Middlebury Vermont. My parents lived here before I was born and I think we were there until I was about 1 and a 1/2. I know I turned 1 year old here. The

Fort, South Burlington, VT. I am not sure exactly what made us live here b/c I don't think my dad was still actively in the army. I think he was going to UVM at this point, and my mom worked at the hospital, but I am not sure. I was only 2 years old, so it's kind of a blur.

Main Street apartment above the photo store, Middlebury, VT. When my parents seperated, my mom and I moved here. It was a small place and my first memories of life are here. I remember the goldfish in my room and how I used to take them out of the bowl and look at them and then put them back in the water. Again and again. My mom says "no wonder they never lived long". I think I just wanted to see them, and figure them out. Also, this apartment looked out over the river and falls that run through Middlebury. The fire escape consisted of a rope which was bolted to the radiator. My mom says she still wonders what she would have done in a fire with her three year old daughter clinging to her back, as she swung out over the falls.

North Pleasant Street House, Middlebury, VT. We moved in with Jim and Brenda, old friends of my parents. I turned 5 in this house and there is a lot I remember about it. The garden there, Jim pushing me around in the wheelbarrow, the cardboard playhouse I had in my room, ants in the honey pot, the carpet in the living room. The whole layout of the house. While we lived with them, Jim and Brenda also had their first child, Mariah. I remember making her tiny baby hats in day care and playing with her like a living doll. It was my first long term interaction with a baby. That baby turns 24 in a couple months.

The "shack" on Exchange Street, Middlebury, VT. I am losing track of the time lines of how long we lived where, but I know I turned 7 years old in this house. I also could have turned 6 but I don't remember that birthday at all. This house had the swing on the side, which I spent a lot of time on. Until my mom sat on it once and the rotted T beam fell down on her shoulders. My gramma called it a "shack" and we still laugh about that.

House on Court Street, Middlebury, VT. This was a nice house. Big and white and airy. We had the back half and one side, and an older couple lived in the front. I remember the big tree in the back yard and the long porch. I used to play with my mom's jewlery here and I lost her engagement ring, which was later found in the flower bed. My friend Leah and I put on many "shows" in the living room, which mostly consisted of us arguing about "the routine".

Apartment building, Salem, MA. We moved to Salem from Vermont and I hated it. I did not like that apartment at all and it still makes me sad to think about it. The best parts of that time where my babysitter Lauren and her boyfriend, London. He had a golden retriever who's name I can't rememebr. I remember them bringing me outside to their car on my 9th birthday and giving me a Cabbage Patch kid. I still have it. My mom told me later that they both did a lot of coke, but I never knew that. And, hey, it was the 80's.

House in Glocester, MA. This was a lovely house on the ocean, big and pink. There were like 5 bedrooms and I used to change rooms fairly often. I remember sleeping in two different ones particularly. It was a winter rental so we were only there for 1/2 a year.

House in Lainsville, MA. This was a glorified beach house, with horrible plumbing. I slept in what I decided was a loft above my room. Really it was more like a crawl space/attic and it was incredibly hot and stuffy. I can conjure up the smell of dust (and possibly asbestos) by just thinking about it.

Apartment above the travel agency in Shelburne, VT. We went back to Vermont and lived in this place for 2 or 3 years. I was 11 when we first moved there. The first things I think of I are the cats we got when we lived here. Abby and her daughter, Miss Elvis. They lived to be 13 and 14. Abby just died last year.

House in Charlotte, VT. This was a very old farm house that we moved into for the winter. It was drafty like a barn and heated with oil. But it had a nice back patio that looked over the mountains. Another house with a lot of bedrooms. I traded back and forth between two. In my Huge Main Bedroom (I really AM a princess) I could have sleepovers with five friends, everyone laying on the floor like sardines.

Condo in Hinesburg, VT. When I was 16 my mom was able to buy a two bedroom condo in Hinesburg, right by my high school. And that is where she is still living some 12 years later. I have moved four (or five?) times since then. I'll save that for later, along with the other houses where I lived with my dad.

I'm a Girl on the Go!

Things that freak me right out

2004-07-27T14:17:00.000-04:00

Last night I was having a lot of trouble going to sleep - as also noted on the Boston Metblog (http://boston.metblogs.com/). I was thinking of things that freak me out and I couldn't stop.

Do you ever get stuck? You are telling yourself "think of something HAPPY!" and then the freakiest part of The Sixth Sense (you know, where the woman in the robe is walking down the hall? And then he goes to find her in the kitchen? And she turns around and she's DEAD and ALL BLOODY!?! And AHHH! and EEEWW!) pops in your head and you can't make it get out. Or, you're afraid to get up and go to the bathroom b/c the freaky monster from The Twilight Zone (the Shadow Man Who Lives Under the Bed) might reach out and grab your ankles and pull you under? Or you finally DO get up and go to the bathroom and when you are coming out you see a weird light pattern which makes you sure it is Scary McRapist coming to kill and murder you!?! Eh, it's the worst.

Currently freaking me out is the preview for The Village (thanks, M. Night Shamalan! You currently freak me out in many fabulous ways!) and I am not sure why. Maybe it is William Hurts freaky modulated voice in the preview ("we have always had an uneasy truce with the creatures who live in the woods". Man, spooky.) or the way Joaquin Phoenix runs around all antsy with the blind daughter of Ron Howard. Also, Adrian Brody? Why is your hair that weird fugly red? Please dye it back. Thank you. Love, Emily.

I guess it is the classic scary thing where you are most afraid of The Things You Don't See. Mr. Shamalan is particularly good at that, his movies aren't generally gory (although I didn't see that alien one b/c of my extreme aversion to the Gibson, so I have no idea if that was a fan of the gore) it is all implied scariness and then your imagination starts going and fuggitaboutit. The creepiest part of Unbreakable is when Bruce Willis is seeing into the darker areas of people and that extremely freaky dude asks the man at the door (in a majorly skeevy high voice which makes my skin crawl) "Can I come in? I like your house." Man. Yikes. I guess because there is an element of REAL terror and spookiness (see above re: Scary McRapist) - it just irks me right out.

So, last night I am lying in bed thinking about Scary McRapist, and the creatures in the woods, and all of the sudden I start hearing The Very Loud Banging. Something like thunder crossed with fireworks plus a dash of gunfire thrown in for good measure. Bump. Bam bam BAM! Then I heard footsteps RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW. Slow and modulated (Mr. Hurt?) and then, nothing. Did he stop outside my window? Is it my turn to dance with the Shadow Man? I don't wanna! I know I said I want a boyfriend but not the Shadow Man! The way the windows are in my house, I have to crawl UP on my bed to see out of them - and that is the last thing you want to do when scared. Stand on your bed, as if to say "here I am, evil killer! Over here! No, RIGHT HERE!" Eeek. Finally I jumped up and slammed the window closed and then fell back down onto my bed to pull the covers over my head. Finally, The Very Loud Banging seemed further away (and maybe it was just terrorists, visiting for the DNC) and I fell asleep. When I woke up this morning, I could hardly remember what I was so worked up over. Sometimes, it all seems worse in the dark.

Mr. Hurt?

K is for Krayzee

2004-07-26T14:23:00.000-04:00

My longest love relationship has been going on 17 years now. We have been together through good and bad. The high points of his career. When he was working with some great young people. The time his latest project was on the Must See lists That time he played a vampire.

And the lows, the broken engagement to a certain starlet. The barfights. The cowboy movie. Kiefer and I got together when I was only 11. Sure, I was young, but I knew true love when I saw it. He was going through a Bad Boy phase, terrorizing poor little Wil Wheaton and knocking over mailboxes, but I saw the good in him. Under the mop of weirdly dyed hair, I saw something in those crazy eyes and it called to me.

I even saw that movie where he rode around on his motorcycle with a mannequin. THAT is true love, people.

Around the time I was 14, he was hitting his Fame Stride with the Young Gun films. And he wasn't the star like that wacky Estevez kid, but he had the solid role, the role with Heart. He fell in love the quiet Asian "China Doll" character, and you didn't quite know why. He was Kiefer, he should have someone Wild. Like a 14 year old.

I had the posters on my wall, but my love was already waning towards some other guys on the block and some dude who could really Dirty Dance. I'm not proud of what I did to Kiefer, but we all have our fickle periods.

Soon, Kiefer was moving on too, and trying his hand at being a real Cowboy. He was a roping champion, while I was a vegetarian. I heard about him from time to time, through mutual friends.

Hearing our song on the radio always made me wonder about him, what starlet was he breaking up with now? Where was he getting drunk tonight?

You know, the boy can drink. He puts 'em away like there is no tomorrow. I heard stories from AA meetings in Los Angeles, drunken tales and what not. That time he called me at 3 AM talking about the bar fight, where he got a piece of glass stuck in his elbow. What could I do? I cared about him, but I had to do my homework.

A few years later, he was back in the public eye again. This time, getting his own TV show and getting divorced.

Again.

I looked at him anew and realized I had never stopped loving him, and he was still the slightly squirmy but oh so velvety voiced Kiefer I had always known. Sure, there were still the bar fights, still the random interviews where he probably said too much, but wasn't that what I had liked about him in the first place? He wouldn't conform. He would be his own independent Child Of Celebrity he had always been.

But he still worries me.

Last week, there he was on Access Hollywood, doing a strip tease in a Norwegian bar. It was the part where he laid on the ground that cried out to me. Sure, he spun his shirt over his head while twirling his hips, all White Boy Fantastic. But then, THEN, he laid on the ground and put his foot over his head. I think he was trying to get his shoe off. He started to untie it, but gave up (obviously too drunk to deal with a double knot) and stumbled to his feet again. Starting to shimmy off his pants, when a large bouncer finally made his way to the stage and ushered a laughing, disoriented, Kiefer away. Goodbye, Kiefer. I'll always love you.

You are cool with a K, but you are also kind of krazy.