The 'Oh My God, SHUT UP' Award of the day

Dear Loud Crabby Bitch Who Sits Behind Me,

Yes, I think all of your theories on the Red Sox and Curt Shillings ankle are SO TERRIBLY INTERESTING. I liked it the first time I heard it, it was only mildly annoying, but then I heard it A SECOND TIME, and then AGAIN A THIRD AMAZING TIME. The story never changed. Each time it included the part about how you saw the sign "Curt Shilling for President" and thought that was "just about right!" and how he has all the "qualities" to be president. You are so brilliant, and observant, I may put you on TV!

I really also love hearing about your daughters trip to Milan and how she is going there in the spring and "did you also know she is doing her dissertation?" Why, yes. I DID know that. Because I have heard it A HUNDRED TIMES.

Now you are playing all your voicemail messages on speaker and I can hear ALL THE INTERESTING THINGS everyone has to say to you. Yet, SHOCKINGLY, none of them are about work. WHAT do you actually do here?

You have this GREAT THING called a DOOR, (something which I DO NOT have) yet you like to leave it open so I can hear all your SCINTILLATING CONVERSATIONS. Lucky me!

Please, for the love of all that is good and happy in the world. CLOSE YOUR DOOR!

Oh, and please, please, SHUT UP.
Curt Shillings ankle and I thank you.
Love,
Emily