Morrissey and the Saddest Singer Ever

Morrissey was great, he was lovely, he was fabulous. He sang favorite old songs (THE MORE YOU IGNORE ME, THE CLOSER I GET) favorite new ones (THE WORLD IS FULL OF CRASHING BORES - and, yes, I cried a little. But only a little!) and all time classics (THERE IS A LIGHT AND IT NEVER GOES OUT - then I cried again. Yeah, I'm a baby. What of it?)

His stage was very Rockstar Fabulous and I wouldn't expect less, really. MORRISSEY spelled out in big white letters with red lights all around each letter. My favorite part of the lights was when they lit up and he had a red shirt on and sang HOW SOON IS NOW? Ooo, I just had a movie moment! Perfection and beauty and everything coming together to be so beautiful. I want letters that spell out my name. The lights will be pink. I will put them in the middle of my room and dance around them like a princess. I think there will be scarfs and tutus involved.

The only weird/downer/"whatever" part of the show was the opening act, The Saddest Singer Ever. He stood alone (all alone! He's sad! He's lonely! Let him sing you a song!) on the stage with a guitar and a mike, singing (well, kind of yelling. Loud warbling, really) about crack and smack and Irish depression. Fun! His song GHOSTS OF THE OVERDOSES (for reals, yo) including one line about ghosts of overdoses and "ghosts of tuberculosis". Oh my. Every song had a introduction such as "I like to sing to inspire children because they are the future, and they need encouragement and so do we because when we have encouragement we open up like flowers". Um. Okay. If you say so, Saddest Singer Ever. After the Spooky Overdoser song he made a brief comment about how he would play a happy song before we all hung ourselves from the rafters. Then he took a breath, held up his hand and said, "this is an Irish Claddaugh ring. Hundreds of these were found in the wreckage of the World Trade Center after 9/11..."

Well, that's CHEERY! Thanks for PERKING ME UP! I don't want to hang myself AT ALL NOW! No, I just want to JUMP TO MY DEATH from this here balcony. Thanks, Saddest Singer Ever! Sweet baby Jesus. Then he went right into a song about New York called APPLE OF MY EYE.

What was that noise?

Oh.

That.

That was my TINY HEART BREAKING AT THE SADNESS OF IT ALL.

I am not sure what the opposite of "An Ovary Wails" would be, but I think this guy was it. "A Testicle Sings" doesn't really do it, b/c I get a visual and it involves a little top hat and that is just WRONG. Anyway, he was loud and sad and Irish. I have a feeling he probably got drunk after the show and cried and called his mom. At least he got to listen to Morrissey and feel like he is not alone in the world. Ah, sad boys. You have a voice! Wail it!

This world is full, Oh oh, So full of crashing bores, And I must be one 'Cos no one ever turns to me to say Take me in your arms Take me in your arms and love me
And love me