Wednesday, September 15, 2004

stupid brain

My head hurts.

Yesterday I took a Mental Health Day b/c on my Monday the Global Crackerhead almost had me in tears. Again. Still. Whatever.

Today he was right back in his favorite place (see: all up in my grill) again giong on about his 50 page manuscript which I am typing out from his handwritten notes. In pencil. *Sob* When I left Monday night it was 22 pages. Now it is 51. It's like a freakin mold up in here.

Lately I am having insomnia again. I went through this for a few months about a year ago with job stress, and other things. When I am laying there awake in the dark, something about my crazy brain goes straight to DEATH and it is impossible for me to stop thinking about it. What happens to us? Why does it end? Why do we have to die? When will the world end? How? Where do we go? That is the big one. WHERE, OH WHERE, DO WE GO?? I know it is pointless to WORRY about it b/c it is going to happen regardless (insert "AHHH!" here) and I shoudl enjoy the time I have while I am here. Yadda yadda yadda. I am damn happy to be here. I am a lucky girl with lovely people in my life and so many blessings, its crazy, but I still can't help thinking about it. Here I am, typing on my blog, sending it out into the void. Working at this job which is fine and good. Talking on my cousin via IM. Listening to JEM. I will go home and pet my cat and talk on the phone and eat some cheese. It's all lovely. But what happens to us? Someday we will all be gone, and for whatever reason, that totally freaks me out and scares me (ironically) to death.

Maybe that is why my head hurts. My poor brain is like "SHUT UP! Stop thinking about it. What? DEATH! Stop thinking about it! Now. No, NOW!"


Stupid brain.

PS. I finally saw Garden State. It was very cute and charming and lovely. I laughed. I cried. Zach Braff is a smarty.

because I said so