Monday, July 26, 2004

K is for Krayzee

My longest love relationship has been going on 17 years now. We have been together through good and bad. The high points of his career. When he was working with some great young people. The time his latest project was on the Must See lists That time he played a vampire.

And the lows, the broken engagement to a certain starlet. The barfights. The cowboy movie. Kiefer and I got together when I was only 11. Sure, I was young, but I knew true love when I saw it. He was going through a Bad Boy phase, terrorizing poor little Wil Wheaton and knocking over mailboxes, but I saw the good in him. Under the mop of weirdly dyed hair, I saw something in those crazy eyes and it called to me.

I even saw that movie where he rode around on his motorcycle with a mannequin. THAT is true love, people.

Around the time I was 14, he was hitting his Fame Stride with the Young Gun films. And he wasn't the star like that wacky Estevez kid, but he had the solid role, the role with Heart. He fell in love the quiet Asian "China Doll" character, and you didn't quite know why. He was Kiefer, he should have someone Wild. Like a 14 year old.

I had the posters on my wall, but my love was already waning towards some other guys on the block and some dude who could really Dirty Dance. I'm not proud of what I did to Kiefer, but we all have our fickle periods.

Soon, Kiefer was moving on too, and trying his hand at being a real Cowboy. He was a roping champion, while I was a vegetarian. I heard about him from time to time, through mutual friends.

Hearing our song on the radio always made me wonder about him, what starlet was he breaking up with now? Where was he getting drunk tonight?

You know, the boy can drink. He puts 'em away like there is no tomorrow. I heard stories from AA meetings in Los Angeles, drunken tales and what not. That time he called me at 3 AM talking about the bar fight, where he got a piece of glass stuck in his elbow. What could I do? I cared about him, but I had to do my homework.

A few years later, he was back in the public eye again. This time, getting his own TV show and getting divorced.


I looked at him anew and realized I had never stopped loving him, and he was still the slightly squirmy but oh so velvety voiced Kiefer I had always known. Sure, there were still the bar fights, still the random interviews where he probably said too much, but wasn't that what I had liked about him in the first place? He wouldn't conform. He would be his own independent Child Of Celebrity he had always been.

But he still worries me.

Last week, there he was on Access Hollywood, doing a strip tease in a Norwegian bar. It was the part where he laid on the ground that cried out to me. Sure, he spun his shirt over his head while twirling his hips, all White Boy Fantastic. But then, THEN, he laid on the ground and put his foot over his head. I think he was trying to get his shoe off. He started to untie it, but gave up (obviously too drunk to deal with a double knot) and stumbled to his feet again. Starting to shimmy off his pants, when a large bouncer finally made his way to the stage and ushered a laughing, disoriented, Kiefer away. Goodbye, Kiefer. I'll always love you.

You are cool with a K, but you are also kind of krazy.

because I said so